Just writing to write at this point.
I’m at 45 days now, which feels good. I actually have this system where I keep promising myself that I will start using the pouches again after x happens. First it was the one month mark. Then I told myself run 15 miles over a few days and at the end of those 15 miles I will start again. Then I told myself 45 days. Then I told myself after my new life insurance nicotine test to reduce my premium (still hasn't come). It's a psychological thing that seems to work. The plan is never to use them again, but my mind isn't thinking never. First I set my quit date, and then I started setting and resetting my restart date over and over, and that somehow was mentally calming and still working.
It almost feels like a weird form of procrastination. Hopefully, I will soon forget my fake plan to start again, or it might become real.
That said, I’m pretty convinced nicotine must have been increasing my metabolism by about 500 calories a day. I lost a bunch of weight between October and March before quitting, and now most of it is back. I’m up almost 10 pounds, and it doesn’t seem like water weight. I even did a 36-hour water-only fast this week just to make sure.
I’ve been doing the same things that helped me lose weight while I was on nicotine, but they’re just not working the same way now. I may need to seriously increase the exercise.
Other than that, I got some good news today. The life insurance company is sending a swab kit to confirm that I’m nicotine-free. It’s kind of funny because swab kits are not even the most reliable method, and they’re not sending anyone to observe it. So realistically, I probably could have swabbed someone else’s mouth a while ago and gotten away with it. But I’ll do it the right way and save the 15%.
I still really miss nicotine. It’s not exactly cravings anymore. It’s more like I miss having it, and maybe I even miss the cravings a little.
I also still have a pretty bad oral fixation. I started with nicotine-free caffeine pouches, then eventually switched to pouches with no caffeine and no nicotine, and somehow I’m still hooked on those too. If I go too long without one, I even get some of the same physical sensations I had during the first week of quitting, just milder.
So I guess the next step is tapering off these zero pouches too. Its funny because I quit nicotine cold turkey, but I'm gonna now taper off these zilch pouches, that contain zero stimulants or addictive ingredients. I call them nothing pouches. If anyone is interested, the company is cald Wild Pouches and they offer a zero everything pouch with just flavor. Caramel coffee and Cucumber mint are ok. Sometimes I sprinkle a little Cayenne on it to get that burn feeling I used to get with nicotine. It's pretty close actually.
Just realized that at 45 days nicotine free, I'm obviously still thinking about it a lot. I'm approaching essay here.