Parental alienation as Expat
I want to share my experience with what I believe is parental alienation over the last five and a half years. This is a long text, but I hope someone takes the time to read it.
I met this woman through someone at a bar. At the time, she was unemployed and presented herself as a victim, saying she was depressed. Initially, she seemed like a caring and good person, but the more I got to know her, the more I realized that wasn’t really the case. She was very self-centered and dismissive, and over time I started to believe she had narcissistic traits. Because of this, I ended the relationship.
However, she continued to show up at my home. I was living as an expat and felt quite alone, so I allowed her back into my life. Eventually, she became pregnant. I take responsibility for that, but her behavior didn’t improve. She remained defiant and disrespectful—criticizing my language skills, insulting my mother without knowing her, and speaking negatively about my home country. She would get annoyed if I approached her when she was with friends, and during COVID times, she even coughed in my face.
In public, she acted like a kind person, but in private, she was very different. Because of all this, I was not very present during the pregnancy. I also asked for a pregnancy test at the time, as she was known for dating multiple people and I had doubts about paternity, but she refused and became offended. Her behavior only got worse.
After many discussions and even a call from her family, I agreed to be present at the birth of the child, but I refused to sign the birth certificate because of those doubts. Her attitude continued to be controlling and disrespectful—she would boss me around and bully me. I told her this needed to change, but it never did. The constant conflict made me believe it was better for the child if I minimized time around her.
Despite this, I still spent time with my child and we developed a bond. However, the mother was always present, constantly criticizing and creating negativity. At one point, she even said in front of my child that she would find another man.
I work in healthcare, and this situation became extremely difficult for me psychologically. I wanted to see my child more often, but she controlled everything—when I could visit, where, and for how long. She frequently blocked my calls and limited my access. She also traveled abroad with my child without informing me, ignored my attempts to contact them, and posted pictures online while I had no idea how my child was doing.
There was also a moment that had a strong impact on me. I called my child’s grandmother using a private number because I suspected my child was there. During the call, I could hear my child crying and calling for me, his father. I immediately rented a car and drove to the house, as I knew where they lived. When I arrived, they refused to let me see my child and ended up calling the police on me.
This situation deeply affected my mental health. I became depressed and started struggling at work. I lost several jobs and had to move homes while dealing with severe psychological stress. At one point, I even felt like I was being stalked and gaslighted by a group of people, though I’m not sure if that was connected to her or her circle.
Eventually, I became suicidal and had to return to my home country to take care of my mental health. After months of blocking me, she suddenly decided to bring my child to visit me there. When she came to my parents’ house, my family treated her with patience, but I had reached my limit. During an argument, I slapped her.
After that, she left, and for the past year and a half, I have had no contact with my child. During this time, my father passed away. My mental health deteriorated further, and it has become very difficult to work or rebuild my life.
Right now, I’m in a very difficult situation. I don’t have my own home, and my child lives in another country. I feel completely blocked and isolated from being a father. Her mother and her family control everything and have ignored me for over a year and a half.
They wanted me to submit to their control, which I refused. As a result, I lost my role and experience as a father. This situation has lasted for six years, and I don’t see a clear way out.
Now I find myself in the same position she was in when I met her—unemployed and depressed. After years of struggle, losing time of my life, this is where I ended up.