{Mods - I've deleted my original post, and posted under a new username as I need to ensure I have anonymity with work, as this is a sensitive topic. Please can you allow this post to stay?]
I've been managed by my current boss for a while, and I feel I'm constantly under a microscope with her for my actions. I'm diagnosed with ADHD, and have underlying Autism. I find staying highly communicative at work difficult, in that if I don't have anything to communicate, or a reason to communicate I won't.
My boss keeps telling me I should be updating everyone on a daily or more basis to show progress. But if there's nothing to update, then I don't understand what I need to communicate.
Every conversation I have with her have starts with small talk, and then descends into specific demands or negative talk about myself.
Ive recently been off work for a couple of months with chronic fatigue, which I still have, but have returned to work anyway, and been back for a year or so.
She's told me that I'll be 'benchmarked' over the next few months. Those exact words.
Everytime I have a conversation with my boss I come away feeling incredibly vulnerable and vigilant. It's meaning instead of focusing in on doing good work, I'm constantly worried I'm going to not communicate enough and get told off by her.
I never felt this way when she wasn't managing me, as I've had other bosses at the same workplace, and in other workplaces. In those situations those bosses all pushed me for my strengths and excellent work. They picked me up on my poor organisation skills, but in a positive way, in a way to help me be better. Not to tell me off.
I way also put on an improvement plan a while ago, because of my poor communication, and I was told in that meeting to decide if this was the right place for me, and hinted that I my well be asked to exit the business at the end of the improvement cycle. I now understand this was an illegal action, and I should have been given the opportunity and support to resolve the issue, instead of management having conversations without me and deciding what was going to happen to me.
This boss only acts like this with me, no one else. I have seen her do this to one other person in the past, and they decided to leave as they were so miserable. I am beginning to wonder if this counts as discrimination in the workplace.
I have no idea how to deal with this. I am excellent at the job, my work is consistently top tier, and I have a skill set that no one else in our business has, and it is in high demand. I also coach, mentor and train other people to share my skills off my own back. But rarely, if at all, am I given praise or recognition by my boss for any of my work. She only highlights anything that is even a minor negative.
I have no career path, no objectives or goals, no discussion about what my career aspirations are etc. I've been here for 10 years, and I've probably made a handful of mistakes with communication in that time.
I know the right thing would be to have a direct discussion with by boss, but I do not feel any psychological safety AT ALL. I feel this person has no empathy.
What do I do? Do I just leave a job I'm really good at? Do I speak with HR? It just feels like whatever I do at work will make my life worse.
Thanks for reading everyone.