Wanted to get some guidance here as this has been tormenting me over the last year.
As the title implies, I’m a freshman in college now but I haven’t been able to mentally move on from high school debate.
I remember my first debate tournament, where I went 0-4 as a novice. Due to friends and mentors in debate I quickly became obsessed and in my junior year I improved slightly and started going 2-2 at tournaments. Over the summer I absolutely locked in, went to many debate camps, watched rounds, did practice rounds etc. and became pretty skilled.
In the fall of my senior year I was able to make semifinals at a national tournament and qualify for state finals. I also made quarterfinals at another tournament.
I really really wanted to win state finals for a few reasons. This would’ve been a full circle moment where I went from completely awful to actually good at something. I also wanted to make my mentors who believed in me proud. I was never obsessed with something like I was with debate before and it had become a big part of my identity. It honestly still is.
At state finals I was 3-0 heading into the final prelim round. If I won that I would’ve advanced to the final round of the tournament. I got matched against a very beatable team but unfortunately fumbled and lost.
Ive just been replaying that moment, daydreaming if I won state finals, checking tab room results of tournaments happening over the last year, etc. I know, it’s really sad. I hate how I’m still obsessed with this silly activity.
Now that I’m in college I have the opportunity to do APDA but I’ve been holding off on it somehow. Maybe I’m scared I’m not good enough to succeed there, or not dedicated enough to improve.
Any advice?