Hi Everyone. First time posting here.
My son is 4, and was diagnosed as a Level 3 when he turned 2 (I understand levels aren’t always recognized, but he was in a meltdown for his entire evaluation, non-violent).
Anywho, he has his delays, but overall he is a happy and gentle kid. Loves socializing with adults. Loves routine. Loves trains and flowers and waterfalls. Doesn’t rely on anything in particular to keep him calm. Doesn’t often “present” as autistic to the untrained eye aside from an obvious speech delay and a rigidity in play. No stimming, not typically sensitive to the environment. He is not in ABA, just receives speech and OT through his Sped Pre-K (which he absolutely loves and thrives in).
My problem is the rages and aggression. They not often, but are getting to be more frequent. Usually they are triggered in a flash when he gets upset. The other night his stomach hurt and he woke up multiple times crying. So I had to forcefully administer medication and it was atomic (he usually takes meds fine. Loves them actually). Screaming and launching himself at me over and over again trying to bite and hit. Screaming “let me go I want to bite you!” Throwing books at me, anything within reach. I left him in the room to scream for one second and he begged me to come back in and immediately when I came in I told him he could cry but if he kept biting and hitting I would give him space again. He cried and asked me to sit with him and we rocked and cuddled for 30 minutes.
Then today he got hurt playing a balancing game and immediately went into a rage against me saying I wasn’t “watching him”. Started throwing the bins he was playing with at me, then his toys, anything. So I took him and wrestled him into his car seat because it was time for us to leave. He screamed and screamed, I cried, the works. But then calmed while we drove and we chatted. Went to school happy.
I think I need more outside OT help. It’s at a point where he is getting too strong for me, and my reactions are NOT what they should be. I get anxious and overwhelmed and loud and I try so hard to stay calm but I just end up completely overreacting. And I feel awful everytime. Like I’m a failure.
I don’t know what I’m looking for. Advice? Solidarity? I’m just at a loss.
(And when I say my boy is a joy, I absolutely mean it. He is happy and gentle and passionate and LOVES the few people he is close to. Our day to day life is wonderful aside from these rages).
I’m just lost.