may 1st. just cleared my roster again-but this time it feels different.
i’m not sitting here wondering if i’ll be bored or if i’m still “him.” i already know where i stand. for context: 21, 5’11, 81kg lean, fairly attractive. getting girls has never really been an issue for me.
but at some point… it just gets repetitive. too easy. like the thrill is gone. same patterns, different faces.
now i feel like i’m at a crossroads between chasing purpose and chasing love. i made the decision to step away from the whole roster thing, and it feels right-but i don’t know if it actually is right.
one thing that’s been on my mind:
won’t it be harder to build something real once i have money?
most of the “successful” guys i see either:
• stay single and avoid commitment because they’re scared of losing what they built
• or they go all in on experiencing everything they couldn’t before
i don’t want either of those outcomes.
i’ve had a couple situations that could’ve turned into something real, but i messed them up because i was still caught up in that lifestyle.
exhibit A: beautiful eritrean girl. all she really wanted was my love, and at the time i couldn’t give it. looking back, even if i had tried, i don’t know if it would’ve lasted long-term (cultural differences, family perceptions, etc.).
exhibit B: mozambican girl. this one was different. real connection, real passion. she was only supposed to be around for a short time, but ended up staying longer because of me. we had 10 solid months together. probably one of the most meaningful experiences i’ve had-but it still had an expiry date.
i’ve also dated locally, but those experiences haven’t really hit the same. some were just… surface level. some taught me lessons. some showed me sides of people i didn’t expect. overall, it’s been a learning curve.
so now i’m here. no roster (well… kinda 😅), staying productive, trying to lock in on my purpose and figure out my direction.
my main question is:
am i making the right move stepping away from all this?
and how do you actually know when a girl is “the one”?
because i’m not worried about options. i know they’ll always be there. that’s not the issue.
i just don’t want to build success and then realize i made it harder for myself to build something real.
anyone else been through this phase or something similar?