Advice for a male partner — how can I be a good partner?
I recently started dating someone who was diagnosed with vestibulodynia several years ago (I believe it’s provoked). We haven’t had any physical intimacy yet but, in anticipation of it, she shared her diagnosis, experience, and some of her concerns.
I can tell from our past conversations that her vestibulodynia is a source of anxiety and insecurity. To an extent, I can sympathize with that; I have my own medical challenges (currently well-managed) and there have been times I’ve worried a partner will find me unattractive for that reason.
I really like her; I think she may be my person, but reading the experiences posted here and elsewhere it’s clear I’ll need to place additional emphasis on being supportive, responsive, and attentive to her specific needs (which may be beyond the typical).
All that is to say, how can I best support her? Is provoked vestibulodynia similar to an autoimmune condition that flares? How long so flares typically last? Is penetrative sex generally not an option, or is it something that needs caution and a slow lead up? What about oral? Outside of a vestibuloectomy (which it seems may not fit her case), can PFPT, hormone creams, and other lighter interventions enable a permanent remission?
I know that she will have her own needs and that her sharing them with me and my learning to accommodate them is the best way to figure us out. Still, I want to be sure that I’m setting my own expectations correctly and have some baseline knowledge from others who’ve experienced the condition so she doesn’t have to explain herself too much.
Any insight is appreciated, thanks.