My parents’ hostile divorce in Texas is destroying my family and affecting my younger brother
Location: Texas, USA
I am 19 years old and currently enrolled in college in Texas. The situation surrounding my family has turned very chaotic and stressful for me. I would love some emotional support/advice, as well as some legal guidance, due to feeling stuck and frankly drained.
My parents have had a toxic relationship for many years. My father has lied, cheated, manipulated, and has struggled with financial irresponsibility. My mother has been the primary bread-winner/main provider for our family for most of my life; however, she has many anger/emotional regulation issues that she refuses to address or seek help for.
I truly believe that both of their living together during their divorce process added to the chaos of the whole situation.
In July of 2023, after we had family visit us for the summer, my mom got arrested after slapping my dad during an argument that escalated in front of police. Instead of completely separating, they attempted to "co-parent" while still living together.
Things have escalated even further since then:
- my dad allegedly lost his job after he failed to show up to work regularly,
- there were additional issues of infidelity/cheating,
- he lost approximately $50,000 that was spent on a fake investment/scam. Some of the money lost came directly from funds that had originally been earmarked for my college education.
- he also attempted to encourage me to invest in the same scam/investment opportunity; fortunately I did not send any money.
Later this year my mom got arrested again after getting into a fight with my dad involving car keys. There are now multiple domestic-violence-related incidents connected to the situation, and she will temporarily not be able to go back to the residence.
The reason I'm having such a hard time dealing with this situation is partially because I feel like my dad creates these scenarios by playing the role of the innocent/calm guy while emotionally provoking situations behind the scenes. I know my mom is ultimately responsible for her own behavior, but I also see why she would become emotionally exhausted.
Additionally, my experiences growing up affect how I perceive him. In fact, I have previously called police during a physical altercation between my dad and I when I was young. Honestly, I don't really know what constitutes abuse; however, throughout my youth, there were instances of physical aggression by my dad as a form of discipline towards me. Additionally, my younger brother (age 14), who is autistic/ADHD, has lived through years of conflict and tension in our home; this worries me constantly.
Lastly, I find it confusing that although my mom has an attorney and court dates are scheduled, this divorce still seems to be going nowhere. As far as I can tell my dad causes delays and/or refusal to cooperate in portions of the divorce process; however, I don't understand how divorce laws function in Texas.
Specifically, I have the following questions:
Can one spouse actually delay/divorce proceedings indefinitely?
What options do the courts have available to them to move forward with a divorce proceeding when one party refuses to sign/cooperate?
Are courts capable of forcing one party to take action in regards to the divorce process?
Is it typical for one spouse to be denied temporary access to the marital residence after numerous domestic disputes?
If one spouse has provided the majority of the income for the household for years, is this considered relevant in the divorce process?
As an adult child, what can you realistically do in a situation like this besides watching your family fall apart?
I know my mom is not perfect either. I'm angry at her too, because I feel like she should have taken care of herself and all of us more thoroughly rather than reactively emotionally. However, I also feel protective of her due to the fact that she has cared for our family economically and emotionally for most of my life.
I feel guilty because I'm trying to plan my own future (colleges, school transfers, final exams etc.), while my family is disintegrating around me.
Please keep your response constructive. I’m genuinely overwhelmed and trying to understand this situation better.