Hi everyone,
First reddit post here. I have a beautiful just turned 11 month old baby boy. He is very social, loves people and we always get told how smiley and happy he is. I was recently EBF until about a month ago when biting started (8 teeth) so now we are on the bottle.
Since his birth, I have had anxiety about his attachment. I study Psychology and read all the books about it. I was determined to not make mistakes like my parents did but I feel like I somehow already gave him avoidant attachment accidentally?
My husband and I take him to the gym almost daily so he sees a lot of new faces who give him attention and loves it. I’m very privileged to be at a gym where they let us stay with him and/or coach helps us look after him.
My husband is very involved especially during nights, and my mum visits every few days too. Husband has a huge family as well who see him monthly or so.
I’ve been anxious and spiralling for months due to said signs:
Doesn’t fuss when I leave, in fact, he waves goodbye
I’m a SAHM with him yet when mum watches him for an hour or so, when I come back, he doesn’t react? He doesn’t pull away but he sort of just looks at me then continues playing. Sometimes he will burst into a smile if I do first.
He’s very “independent” in the sense he loves to stand/crawl/cruise 24/7 and can’t stop him - so he doesn’t cuddle much
Strangers - he has no anxiety and smiles at them and when they don’t smile back he actually gets frustrated.
He does show when he’s in pain/hurt himself by crying and i always make sure to run and comfort him as quickly as i can but i feel like he doesn’t immediately settle or sink into me?
He also still wakes 3/4 times a night though he is experiencing constipation on/off due to weaning
We play the “where’s tata” game and he always looks at my husband whereas when it’s “where’s mama” it’s random.
Occasionally does “check in” when he’s playing by coming to the play gate to get my attention. He also does occasionally rub his face on mine too which I feel like is his way of affection but it is rare.
I did have a hectic pregnancy, got married at the same time and was in therapy trying to heal from childhood and past trauma before being a parent so there was a lot of tears. I also had to have an induction/emergency c section after prolonged labor so I was so exhausted I was actually almost falling asleep and feel an immense amount of guilt over it still. We did skin to skin and we did lots of contact naps but I still feel like I stuffed up by this maybe?
Husband says I am getting in my head and to accept LO for who he is - a social baby.
What are your thoughts? I feel like I see signs of avoidant attachment from what I read online (not sleeping through/doesn’t cry when I leave etc).
Thank you for your help.