This feels like a punishment
This will likely be long, so tl;dr struggles with infertility, almost HG levels of nausea and vomiting, and now a likely GD diagnosis at 27 weeks
I failed my 1 hour test today after a 12 hour fast- clocked in at 180. I am baffled. Completely and utterly confused. Like I failed so so hard on this test that the idea of taking the 3 hour one seems laughable since I’ll likely fail that one, too.
I’m just feeling defeated. My husband and I tried to conceive for a year and had 3 miscarriages in that time. We made every diet change you could think of and did allllll of the fertility testing we possibly could just to be told it was unexplained. We decided to give it one last try and miraculously got pregnant with our boy. Queue (what I’m assuming) are mixed up lab results that told us first we were miscarrying, then we were ectopic, and an OB that refused to book me for scans so I paid out of pocket at a boutique and was criticized for doing so :)
Starting at 6 weeks on the dot I experienced such horrific nausea that I couldn’t eat or drink anything. I barely got out of bed. Then the daily vomiting started at 12 weeks on top of the crippling nausea. Zofran usually works, but not always, and most of my comfort foods have been ruined by vomiting them up. I’ve barely gained any weight this pregnancy because I can’t keep much down and/or am so nauseous I can’t eat.
So to learn that I failed my test so spectacularly and then to read all of the stats on early deliveries and developing diabetes myself, and then looking at meal plans and diet requirements when I already can’t eat most of those foods feels like the cruelest punishment in the world for someone who just wants to be a mom. I can’t stop crying. I am so so so tired of being miserable all the time and I feel like it will never end (of course it will, but allow me time to wallow. I already have family members telling me to get over it).
All of this to say, pregnancy is fucking hard. This has been my dream since I was a kid and I feel like it’s been irreparably damaged by my constant bad experiences. I want to have more children but genuinely don’t know if I can do this again. I’m thankful for this group and how supportive everyone has been on other posts as I’ve been doomscrolling today.