recently i had a birthday celebration with my friends. leading up to my party, i was feeling really anxious about my friends A & C both being there, because they had a falling out 2 years ago and both don’t like each other.
for context, A & B are really close friends (they went to school together) and they are closer to each other than they are with me. i used to be closer to each of them at one point, but the past year i moved an hour away and we haven’t been hanging out as much anymore and have grown a bit more distant. despite that, whenever we do hang out, i usually have a good time with them. they always invite me to their celebrations and i like hanging out with them and most of my other friends like them as well.
i’ve been friends with C for the past 3 years and at the start it was really really good. in the first year we met, we became fast friends and we went on three trips together. on our first trip together, she told me about her difficult childhood, and i felt like we got a lot closer from all the personal things that were shared. on the third trip, i invited A and another friend for a group girls trip, and that’s when A & C had a dramatic falling out.
i think it was after that that things became difficult for me. i always felt caught in the middle because i’m friends with both of them. despite that, i still wanted to be friends with both because i like them both as people and enjoy their company. i just tried to hang out with them individually and keep them separated.
on another note, i have gotten a lot closer with friend D in the past 2 years and i consider her one of my closest friends now. D also doesn’t like C because at a party i hosted a year ago, C talked to D’s boyfriend at the time for a long time, and allegedly didn’t really say hi or anything to D.
over my friendship with C, i have noticed some patterns, like she has had a lot of drama with her own friends, and have had a lot of falling outs with people. sometimes i have felt like she has a victim mentality but other times i sympathize with her. i really care about C and i’m attached to our memories, and like i mentioned before, i genuinely do enjoy her company and like her as a person.
prior to my birthday celebration, i was hesitant about inviting C just because A & D don’t like her, and i didn’t want there to be drama at my birthday (A is a confrontational person). i decided to invite her in the end because i thought it was the right thing to do, as i’m friends with C and i didn’t want anyone to feel excluded or have their feelings hurt.
however, this caused me so much stress honestly. i felt so much anxiety leading up to my celebration because i was worried about the dynamics at my celebration. then, when the day finally came, i genuinely didn’t have the best time because i felt so much tension in the air. i tried to spend time talking with both A & C at my party, but every time i talked to C, it felt a bit awkward and forced. i felt like i kept trying to initiate conversation with C, but it wasn’t really being reciprocated. i don’t really feel that from her when we hang out 1-1, so i can only assume she was more on the defensive that day. i was just bummed in the end that i didn’t get to enjoy my birthday celebration very much.
after my celebration, i’ve started to reevaluate my friendships a lot and i’m not really sure what to do at this point. i feel stressed and drained and it’s really interfering with my life. also C unfollowed A & B after my party, which led to further drama following the party. i’m just torn because i feel like i used to be closer friends with C than with A & B in the past, and i still very much care about and love C. i just don’t want to deal with the drama anymore, and i’m really annoyed at myself for trying to be considerate of everyone. i keep thinking about the phrase “a friend to all is a friend to none”. i don’t want to be that friend and i really need advice on how to proceed.