u/Barbels_and_Bikes

I want to show my baby the world and have him "fit in" to our lives but he really doesn't tolerate the carrier, stroller, etc. for very long. Plus this American culture of kids are a nuisance and you get dirty looks if they cry in public.

I struggle because I don't want to let him cry, but how different is it if his fundamental needs are met (food, clean diaper) and it's just that a) he's tired and won't/can't sleep (he no longer sleeps on the go) or b) he just doesn't want to be in the carrier anymore? For example, I went to a local 2 mile paved trail last week and had him in the carrier. He cried nonstop the last 10-15 minutes of the 40 minutes hike but there was nothing I could do but pat his butt and talk to him since we were, you know, on a hike?

I wonder if I integrate him more he'll just eventually stop fussing so much but right now I'm so afraid I'm doing him emotional damage if I let him cry (while held, I NEVER let him cry alone) that I'm hesitant to go out and do things. Like, I know he won't nap on the go anymore and when he gets tired he'll cry or have a complete meltdown and I don't want to deal with that if I'm out whale watching, at a restaurant, in a museum, etc.

He's 4 months old and at 3 months on the dot started becoming more impatient, fussy, etc. no longer sleeping on the go. I think he just is too interested in his surroundings and doesn't like being confined to a carrier, stroller, etc but at what point can you say "kid, you gotta suck it"?

I'm at my wits end with my poor baby. He's 4 months old in two days and despite everyone saying it gets easier at 3-4 months, I feel like it's getting worse for us. And this even though we are doing everything "right" in terms of responsive parenting.

He is actually a very smiley and giggly baby but also very hard to keep happy for any length of time. I wear him in the carrier to do chores or walk and he's happy for 10-15 minutes then starts fussing and trying to escape. I put him down he cries. I hold him while sitting in a chair and he fusses and cries. I hold him while standing in one spot and he fusses and cries. We set up a station for him to do tummy time or sit in his bouncer on the dining table so he can be with us while we eat and he lasts 5-10 minutes tops. It feels like no matter what we do we cannot make him happy for any length of time. And this thing about babies who spend time in carriers cry less? This one has had several meltdowns in the last month - like nuclear alarm level meltdowns - something he never had before.

Sleep is also getting worse, not better. He used to sleep all night in his attached bassinet. I'd take him out to eat of course but he'd go right back to sleep. We had settled into a rhythm where he would eat at 1:30 and 4:30am and sleep the rest of the time .

3 months on the dot he started false starting at night and only contact napping during the day. Figured this was the 4 month sleep regression early. Then he went from false starting to just not settling. His first feed moved from 1am to 10pm and I'd have to bring him in bed with me to sleep the rest of the night after that. Now even bed sharing doesn't work. He just won't settle. It takes 30 minutes to be able to lay him down in the bed without waking and then I'll often spend 1-2 hours trying to settle him because every 30 seconds to 5 minutes he'll kick and thrash his arms and wake up and cry.

I hate reading things that make it seem baby carrying and bed sharing are magical solutions because it's just getting worse and worse for us. Last night I was feeling like the only way he'd sleep is if my husband and I took turns holding and walking him around for 10 hours straight. That isn't sustainable.

I even tried the Possums approach and that backfired spectacularly because this baby will NOT just fall asleep no matter where we are or what we are doing if the sleep pressure is high enough. Instead, he has a breakdown. Case in point: we accompanied my husband to get his tattoo and before heading home I fed him in the truck. He fell asleep eating but of course woke up as soon as i put him in the car seat. He went from happy to fussy to full on nuclear alarm, and only passed out in my arms once we got home. I tried the approach for two days and had a baby that no longer smiled until one day he fell asleep at 4:45pm and instead of waking him or limiting him I let him sleep and other than waking for feeds he slept until 7am the next day.

What are we doing wrong? Why does all the research not apply to our baby? How much worse is this going to get?