u/BandKey2789

I enjoyed being single so far with freedom n all. (yk why I was single? Was in 4 yrs unrequited love cough nvm)
I’m 22 (f) and met this guy 24 through mutual friends online, never met rn I’m in the States and he’s in Nepal. LDR might be, been talking online for like 10 months. He seems nice rather than my past situationship which was online too (I was trying to love him murda lai pachena)
Here my main concern is this online thing. Falling in love? Met online? Bullshit.(my opinion tho)
I feel soo naive maybe I’m idk my past situationship played victim card, was manipulative so I have trust issues with myself now. I’ve started to think everything I do is wrong, I’m not enough. I don’t like myself, I keep comparing myself to others (his gyal friends🌝). This mentality is the gift he gave me (ohh my gosh~ how sweet haaa thuuu)
So now my new situationship wants to be my ship to heaven. He said he will come here in the States like in 3–4 years. Hmm waiting is fine from me as long as it’s worth it. (worth? Who am I to be talking ab worth when I, myself feel worthless cough). If it was before my situationship, basthye hola ldr ma no problem but now I feel tired, exhausted who knows k hola jasto thoughts k (i did not used him to heal myself I was never been hurt js tired)
For me he seems perfect, communication A+, mature, I like his thinking, many similarities similar hobbies with all this I find peace in him (my inner peace). Thinking like this, I think I like him but logically not emotionally. He said he’s done exploring (wild thyo renntaa life ta) and wants me to be his endgame (B-but I have yet to explore aile ta malephobia huna lagisakyo hou solti)
But now I want to fall in love (maybe will die before that who knows 🌝) I want to fall in love like(akha ma akha judayera love parnu hou, dil ma ghanti bajhnu not life ma). Strangers-friends-lovers-partners, slow burn where??? Hello??
I want him to be the one, like THE ONE for me, idk.
Point to be clear I’m not desperate for someone, I’m fine by me, I don’t like kids(I don’t think I can be a good mother🙇🏻‍♀️). So if love life is not for me then let it be -my future plan will be to teach kids in the country sides with my 9 cats.(still in my early 20s so love life still STILL not for me then study and me go hand in hand haha huhu)
Conclusion i can wait for him-with trust waiting is easy but some doubts in me is silently changing the situation(mood swings k sathi😩) I don’t want him to suffer because of me cus I don’t trust myself.(sry afu ta pakye pakye arulai ni pakaudaichu huhu I’m on my period- are these my hormones talking???)
Js lmk should I stop talking with him for both sides or wait for true one? Idkkk t.r.u.e o.n.e haha🌝
-Side thoughts (hera hera yetro social ma lekheko va full marks authyo hola). Maybe I’m childish🙂