Jealousy and feeling like a chud.
I (19f) broke up with my ex-bf (19m) of 10 months back in February. I took the brake up hard for a variety of reasons and cut contact, as most people do. I was feeling better about the situation, my rule of thumb was that if I imagined him with someone else I would feel happy. I did, I'm not really attracted to or interested in him anymore. I reached out and we talked for a bit.
We talked about our romance lives, I haven't really had any luck. But it's overall been whatever, couple failed hinge excursions. Nothing too serious.
He's had a bit more success and is seeming to be about dating one of his friends (21f), and I was really happy for them. But with hearing him talk about it something just really hurt.
I think its a mixture of knowing that they met through actually having a friendship before hand, how he's improved for her, and the way he talks about her. I'm jealous.
Not in the way that I want him, in the way I want what they have. I'm very used to having some sort of "person". Like someone who I talk to everyday, that I can project from and onto. It's been a very long time since I've gone this long without someone.
Middle school until freshman year I had a girl friend in school, then I talked to my online friends a lot, then I had a boyfriends who I talked to for hours a day for 2-ish years, then I hung out and dated one of my friends from school for a few days, then I dated this guy.
I love my friends, but they're all my friends from school and we just don't have that like specific person connection, it doesn't come naturally and that's okay. But at the same time its really hard to meet people the normal way because everyone I work with is old and I just don't have a way to actually meet people my own age without app and it makes me feel like such a loser.
I want someone to be like "its so stupid, but I fell for them" or just love me how I want to be loved. Like I need someone I can talk to all the time or I feel empty and don't know how to handle myself. I've felt so distraught the past few months because of this. I'm just tired of beeing such a loser.