struggling partner
I (24) have been with my boyfriend (25) since 18y old. In so many ways, we have a healthy relationship although recently we both agreed he may have ROCD. Since I met him, he has always been incredibly driven and sets very clear goals for himself and what he wants for his future. I have always felt his “method” to map such goals have been borderline obsessive (he’ll sit and rewrite a roadmap multiple times until he decides it won’t work and the cycle continues). If things in his life don’t go in the ways he plans, he will spiral and have breakdowns. When things particularly aren’t going perfectly for him, his spirals begin to center around our relationship.
A couple years ago, we were both in a bad mental state, living in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment while I worked two jobs and was a full time student, and he worked 45-50 hour weeks because he insisted on taking care of all the living expenses. I was only living their part time as I’d drive home every weekend to my parents’ house to work at my second job off campus. One weekend, I came home to him telling me he was unhappy and wanted out of the relationship. He cited mainly that my anxiety was getting out of hand (I became a borderline recluse and never left the apartment if it wasn’t for my other job and some of my classes). But he also said other things that weren’t at all true, that I was responsible for certain things going wrong in his life when I was not connected at all. The next day, he took everything back and told me he just wanted me to work on my anxiety.
Fast forward, I’m doing a lot better. I’ve learned healthy coping mechanisms so it does not interfere in my every day life. I’ve changed a lot of aspects of myself to prove to him that I am a capable person on my own. Things were going well after we initially moved into a bigger house, but the past month he is beginning to spiral again. He admits that he can’t seem to stop battling with hundreds and hundreds of thoughts in his head regarding our relationship. He says he is happy with our relationship but as soon as he begins to think about our future, he begins to panic. He says he isn’t willing to propose/ move forward until he is where he wants to be in life (career wise) but even that causes him to panic and stall.
I’m struggling because I’m now left in a limbo. I don’t know what our future will look like or if there even is one.