Hey reddit!
I wanna preface some things to start, as I find it will provide helpful context as to why I am struggling at the current moment. I (21 M) am a college student, and recently went through a very tumultuous semester. My grandfather passed, and I left a very toxic relationship. I was with said ex for 4 yrs, and for the most part, it was ok. But things got physical near the beginning, and she was never really proud of me. We both weren't great people, and I am very glad to have moved on and be away from her. I am on the neurodivergent spectrum, and have dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life. I have never had an easy time with relationships, platonic or romantic. Furthermore, I have a hard time really reading people or subtlety, and usually need strong direction.
I am making this post for advice regarding a friend I have, and how to best navigate things. My friend (22F) and I met a few months ago and a mutual club of mine. Originally, I wasn't too interested in getting to know her as I was going through a very emotionally difficult breakup. I wasn't in the best headspace, and really just wanted to be out of my room, no matter where I ended up. However, by happenstance, we ended up hanging out at an event with her roommate and her roommates' boyfriend. Originally, I didn't expect things to go anywhere. I was kinda awkward and just trying to talk to people I didn't know again. However, I decided it might be fun to hang out again. So, I asked her to hang out one more time, and we just kind of kept hanging out. Most of our hangouts are group focused, with only a few being 1 on 1.
Over time, we have continued to hang out a fair bit, around once or twice a week. Early on, I thought she was flirting (she was somewhat touchy, invited me to her room, and talked a lot about wanting a boyfriend). She had even mentioned that people often think she is flirting with her, and has had that conversation several times before. I never mentioned this to her. This kinda confused and worried me, since I wasn't ready for anything serious, and I didn't wanna risk ruining something nice. In many ways, I still am only ready for something light and slow. It's only been about 3 months since I left my ex (though the last 2 months of that relationship was more like an uncomfortable friendship, so I've been moving on for closer to 5).
However, recently, we got some time to hang out one on one. We went swimming for a few hours, and we talked about relationships and fears. She opened up to me about a lot of things, like her past crushes and regrets, and I confided in her about some of my experiences. It was really nice, and I was surprised how much I enjoy it.
Ever since, I think I may be becoming a bit more interested in her, and I'm having some difficulty navigating these feelings. I wouldn't say I am crushing on her or anything, but I do find her very interesting and a bit cute. We have a fair bit in common (both into weird creepy internet stuff, enjoy teasing, interested in nature). Of course this could just be rose-tinted glasses, as I have a tendency to see things in a rosy view if I like something or someone. But I do genuinely enjoy her presence and feel at ease with her.
She will be staying at my place in a few weeks because she needs a place to stay until she can go back home several states away for the summer. I don't expect anything intimate to occur at all. Especially as she admitted she tends to run from anything romantic (or hides it because of the one guy she crushed on getting married before she confessed). For me, it's just a nice time to get to hang out before she heads back home.
I guess what I am asking is this:
I don't want to rush my way into anything, and I don't wanna ruin something that is already good. Yet, I also think maybe dating or getting to know her more would be nice. In that sense, I guess I am struggling to figure out what the best approach is. She has a tendency to avoid making any moves, so I can't just wait for her, but I also don't wanna risk ruining a perfectly good friendship (especially as we are both in the same club and social circle on campus). I was planning to just stay in contact over the summer since we will be away, but what sort of things should I keep in mind? Really, how do I navigate starting to like someone when I feel so uncertain?
p.s. sorry if the tag is bad, I didn't think this qualified as relationship advice as I am not dating anyone, but I didn't know. Apologies if I was incorrect.