I (29M) have been facing some issues lately in my married life. My wife (28F) and I have been happily married for 3 years, dated for 1 year before that. We had been planning an international trip in May since the start of the year. But I kept telling her it might be too much pressure, last year we did 2 international trips + 2 domestic, and this year we already did one domestic trip. On top of that, I recently lost my freelance contract (though I still have a job).
Because of finances, we kept downgrading the trip plans to cheaper countries, but finally I realized it’s just not a good decision right now. When I suggested pausing the trip, she seemed fine with it. But two days later she started acting differently, sad, crying at odd times, distant.
I asked her multiple times what’s wrong, if it’s about the trip. She said “there’s a lot going on” but was vague. Eventually she said she wants to earn more, that if she earned more she wouldn’t have to think twice about buying or traveling. Then she accused me of being too “normal,” not caring about our anniversary, and started bashing me.
For context: I earn around 2 LPM, she earns about 20k. I also have ongoing home/car EMIs, and I’m trying to plan for some investments and clear minor cc debt.
In the moment, I lied and said I was planning something (because I had been browsing options but wasn’t serious). I even started looking at bookings thinking maybe I’ll use savings + credit card debt to make it happen. Later that night, I told her I was going to the living room to work, but instead I smoked and chilled for a bit before starting to browse options. She barged in, accused me of “timepassing” away from her, told me to sleep on the couch, and even shoved a pillow through the cat hole in the door, which felt humiliating. She also lectured me about smoking (she quit a month ago, we used to smoke together before).
Next day she asked if I felt bad, but I didn’t engage because I was upset. Now she’s being cold with me.
I honestly don’t know what’s happening. Canceling the trip seemed like the responsible choice, but now it feels like she’s resenting me for it and for not being “ambitious” enough. I’m confused, hurt, and don’t know how to handle this without escalating into fights.
TL;DR: Canceled international trip due to finances, wife seemed fine but now is distant, sad, and cold. She says she wants to earn more and accuses me of not caring. I have EMIs and I’m planning investments. I’m stressed and don’t know how to approach this.