Something I see often genuinely pisses me off, and I’m speaking from personal experience.
I eat. But I’ve never been someone who overeats. I can go days forgetting to eat. I’m probably one of those PCOS girlies a doctor would actually tell to eat more. I love chocolate and it doesn’t mean I need it every day.
I’ve done high intensity workouts, personal trainers, vegan, water only, no sugar, intermittent fasting, paleo, cutting white carbs entirely. And that’s not even counting the years of fighting medical professionals just to get a diagnosis. “You’re not prediabetic. You don’t have PCOS. You’re not trying for a baby.” Twelve years later, surprise, I have PCOS.
Nobody talks about the mental toll of living in a body that the world keeps telling you is a discipline problem. When people assume you’re not getting results because you’re not trying hard enough, when the methods they’ve been selling forever don’t work for you and somehow that’s still your fault, that’s exhausting. And for the record, I’ve always been told that even though I’m big, I have a toned body because I actually work out.
So when you jump straight to suggestions before you’ve even asked what I’ve already tried, that triggers me. Because trust me, I have tried. If effort alone did what it was supposed to, Beyoncé would be calling asking for her body back.
I’ve lived in a world where my body was constantly gaslit. It took 12 years to find an endocrinologist who finally validated what I always knew to be true. I was working out, had a trainer, couldn’t break 190, went on phentermine, hit 173, felt amazing. Stopped, weight came back, found myself at 254. Had VSG, lost 60 pounds. Couldn’t break 194. Did Orangetheory, walked instead of ran, strength training, protein shakes, paleo diet, water. All of it.
So now don’t tell me about a new workout routine. I have been in more red zones at Orangetheory than I can count. I’ve had a personal trainer who pushed me in ways I didn’t think were possible. The determination is there. And when it comes to food, don’t come at me with a new diet either. I have stared down red lobster cheddar biscuits, Ferrero Rocher chocolate, and won. I have put the fear of God in food’s mind. Sugar? I went completely clean for three months. If you tested my blood, you would have found zero. Alcohol has never been my thing. Smoking, never. And chocolate, the great love of my life? I’ve broken up with it more times than I can count. Sometimes for a month. Sometimes for a full year.
Yes, I’m frustrated. And no, I’m not asking for advice. I’m just saying sometimes it genuinely feels like my body is working against me. Because do you know how it feels to do a life altering surgery and still be fighting your own body? So yes, I’m considering Mounjaro. Because I am tired.
Thanks for listening to my rant😊😆😌