Way back a long time ago, irrelevant now
she liked me
I liked her back
I got scared and pulled away
We remained distant friends just at the border between that and strangers
A year later i have a new friend
She started talking to that new friend
I told him the situation with her
He backed off
A year later he started using her as a power move over me
Saying terrible sexual stuff about her and her friends both to piss me off and because its how he was
I cut him off
6 months pass
I enlighten her friends of everything he did
They cut him off
I’m then questioned and asked why i told them
I told the truth
It was strange and artificial, their friendship with him was
He wasn’t actually how he presented himself to them
And it ticked me off because of everything he used to say to me
About her
I had enough watching
“He knew exactly how i felt about her”
She heard everything i said
I felt it was a horrible confession
So the next day i asked her friend and my friend to leave the room
I told her to her face
I like you
I don’t want to change our friendship
I just don’t want to sit in ambiguity
She felt happy I finally could say it
But nothing more was said
We had an overnight camping trip the day after this
Immediately a situation sprouted between me, my friend and the one we cut off
It had nothing to do with her
It was very public though
And she eventually found out
It seemed as though i hated my former friend
And that i hated he was reconnecting with my friend
And it was reinforced when i yelled at him infront of everyone, at the peak of the situation
She saw everything
And began questioning my intentions
The next day she & her group asked me this time
Did i tell them out of jealousy
I told the truth
Jealousy was a natural factor, not the driving force behind my actions
My intentions were the same
Clarity
Not malice
They believed me
It has been a week
I still haven’t heard the end of it all
Its not just me
My friend too
He was just as involved as i was
In this drama
And he had made an even bigger mistake
He fell for one of her friends
Ironically enough
The one friend who couldn’t do the same
He wanted someone to fix him
She just wanted someone to live in the moment with
He didn’t like where they stood
Wanted more or nothing at all
She didn’t want to hurt his feelings
She didn’t tell him the truth
But she didn’t lie either
I told him
She can’t fix you
You have to do that yourself
He will never listen
There are other pieces that all float around loosely
I was told from an outsider perspective
He told her he loved her
She didn’t know how to respond
Her friend grabbed the phone and texted for her
She let him down easy
Without shooting him all the way down
They all wondered
Why she let it get this far
They thought
He wasn’t good enough for her anyway
That she was wasting time somewhere she didn’t even wanna be
Whether they were right or not
Isnt my place to say
I’m also told
They all wonder about me
They are surprised at the idea
Of me liking her
They wonder why I hadn’t said anything sooner
That only makes me wonder
What would’ve happened if I did
Is that a good question or bad
Who knows
My insider person was told this by the one my friend loves
They’re friends
I don’t know how close
It makes me wonder
How much she told him
I know deep down
I didn’t receive the full picture
About my situation
Or my friends
He knows more than he lets on
It makes me wonder
I don’t want clarity
I don’t want to resolve things
I don’t want answers
But i cant help but wonder