The more Christian I become the more confused I feel.
I am 36, I recently really started to devote myself to Christianity, I try to be a good person, I go to church on Sundays, I pray, I don't watch porn, I try to live my life more and more Christ like, but the more I do this and the more I read verses from the bible...I just don't understand how people find comfort or peace in Christianity, the stakes are high...eternity, or damnation... and the rules of Christianity are almost impossible to follow perfectly.
I'll give some versus here that have caused me nothing but confusion.
"And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God"
Im certainly not rich, but Im definitely well off, does this mean any one with wealth will never enter heaven? Someone can be a good person and accept Jesus Christ but being rich automatically denies them?
"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it".
If a cancer patient get chemo, they are trying to save their life, they will be denied entry into heaven? If you are in any life or death situation and you try to save yourself your going to hell?
These are just two...two versus that I cannot wrap my head around there are so many others.
So many people in life... and I see it even here in this reddit claim, "accept Jesus Christ as your savior and you will be saved" These two versus alone prove that is entirely incorrect and honestly I don't understand or see any where in the bible where people think its "that easy"... How do others come to terms with this, the life we are expected to live as Christians feels almost impossible, I feel like the ultimate expectation is to lose all my belongings, leave my family, leave my job, and hope Jesus and god put a path in front of me?
The deeper into Christianity I get I don't feel warmth, or protection or even peace like I once did and it scares me and I miss it, instead I feel an unbearable weight of expectation and the constant reminder that almost everything we do as humans is sinful... how do you all overcome this, how do you match the pace and lifestyle we live today as humans with the expectations placed before us as christians? How can any of us live a life free of sin completely? Thew more of the bible and Christianity I read 100% of humans aren't going to make it into heaven, the bar is insanely high. I feel like the main point the bible is trying to make is you 100% have to give your selves to god, not 60% not 97%...100%.... no job, no family, how is this possible?