I was so big on attachment and breast is best. I took the food before one is just for fun way to seriously. My baby was constantly starving but since she was nursing all the time I didn't realise it. I don't think she was getting enough milk because of her tongue tie.
It didn't help that I suffered multiple psychotic breaks due to undiagnosed bipolar disorder and finally got treated for It now. I just couldn't feed her properly. She's constantly been prescribed iron and calcium suppliments. She would refuse food because I just didn't put any effort into getting her used to eating.
I stopped nursing when she was 23 months old but then she would just take a bottle of Cow milk and refuse food which made her even weaker.
I didn't wanna force her to eat and respect her hunger cues so she has a good relationship with food in the future but two weeks ago I just gave up and kept forcing her to eat. Even scolding her/shoving food in her mouth and telling her don't you dare spit it out. She finally got some chub on her arms and legs and is starting to enjoy and demand food. Still I need to force feed her but I just cry and cry that why didn't I feed her properly when she was younger. I wasted all that time when she could have been getting proper nutrition and calories. She also would have developed a taste for food and not be such a picky eater now.
I'm so scared that malnourishment will effect her for the rest of her life. How can I forgive myself. I know time can't come back but I just can't shake the image of her at 7 months old snatching at my leftovers but I just thought she wanted to play with the food. Now I realised she was starving and I couldn't see it because I was blinded by food before one is just for fun.