help. in need of guidance, might do smth to myself.
I passed class 12 last year. was getting all colleges in nagpur(85tile mhtcet), decided to take a drop year cause my coaching was closed in 12th mid which ruined my 12th and jee so decided to try again, and I did try again, I tried SO FUCKING MUCH. I gave my all and still scored less in jee, and all the other exams I gave, today was my mhtcet 2nd attempt, I gave my all for this fucking exam as it was my last chance, I prepared for this SO FUCKING WELL, at the end, the guilt of not clearing other exams despite of how nice my parents are to me, fear of disappointing my parents and pressure of not getting into good college this year AFTER TRYING SO MUCH, one after another all my exams went bad, that took over me, but I tried to stay calm for cet, I was prepared well, but while paper, I blanked out, stopped using my 100% potential of my brain mid exam. I dont know how that happened. ive been depressed since 2 weeks now, I priortised my studies over my physical and mental health, this is what I get in return? I came home, broke down infront of my mom, she tried handling me, but she could notice that I dont have the will to live anymore, now im in my room, tried killing myself twice. but my mother doesn't deserve that.
so I started looking for colleges in pune or Mumbai for direct admission, I need to get out of my city and go to pune. the whole reason why I took drop year. my mom said im not built for competitive, maybe she's right. please suggest colleges under 20Lfees(direct admission/management quota) for btech cse or related branches, as im interested in that. give me hopes and reasons to stay alive..