Lost faith and hope because I never get any response
I have kind of gaslighted myself into being a follower of God. I always called it "Im walking with God" through life - still figuring out if there is any religion I can align with.
This year, I have had A LOT of prayers where I cried for help, sometimes for an hour straight, suicidal thoughts, begging to get ANY feedback.
My religious friends (no matter which) tell me about their encounters with God: "God told me...", Gods spirit in their life, God answering their prayers, one friend even said she saw a physical biblical angel.
...and im like: GOD WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TALK TO ANYONE BUT ME. I AM REACHING OUT, IM TRYING TO FIND YOU - TALK BACK TO ME. I cant do this anymore bro.
Am I doing everything in my power to find God?
No, of course not, I could read more, pray more, less screentime - BUT FOR GODS SAKE, I am sincerely asking for him FOR YEARS to show up in my life, and still nothing that convinces me. He is God, he is the more powerful one.
Im really starting to think that there is no one watching over us, maybe there once was someone who created all this, but he is long gone.
24 y/o.
Any Advice? Im pretty sure a lot of people have gone through this?