This isn't going to happen, but let's just imagine an ideal world in which our worst students realize they are the problem.
It's only logical; mathematically speaking, the professors are the variables and the student is the constant. If every class outcome is a disaster, then the source of the problem is likely the constant. But these ones would rather draw their conclusion that all five of their professors suck at teaching rather than they suck at student-ing. Normally, I wouldn't care, it's their problem, but student evaluations are starting to matter more and more for promotion (especially if you have non-academic admin).
Let's us go on a fantastical ride as a brain break and imagine our biggest frustrations dissolving:
"Your ten-minute lecture videos are too long and boring! I can't possibly watch all of them" : Oh wow, ten minutes isn't that long; maybe my attention span is shot from all short-form content I doom scroll.
"This two-page article is too long!" : Huh, most of my professors are assigning articles. Even though I hate reading, maybe it's a skill I should learn, so I can get more out of my class resources.
"This professor never emails me back!" : Wait, did I send that email too late? Maybe my professors are not up at 2am or cannot respond if I emailing on a deadline.
"These instructions are confusing!" : Well, these instructions are five steps with an easy-to-follow pattern. Maybe I should slow down and actually read these sentences.
"I am unfairly accused of cheating!" Ha, they got me. I do troll Reddit looking for ways to beat the lockdown browser and hide my AI writing. Better just take the zero rather than make my professor develop a simmering hatred of me.
"The grading is unfair!" : Oh, I see that there is a clearly attached rubric to the assignment. I should probably read this and know what it means rather than throw it through AI.
Everything was beautiful, wasn't it? Wasn't that satisfying?