I (25F) got engaged over a year ago and our wedding is in 11 months. My 4 bridesmaids are my sisters and a close family friend, but I am worried about making my best friend from high school a bridesmaid too because she and my sister dated.
For context, they were each others’ first serious long-term relationship (together for 2 years from 16-18 years old) and the break up was pretty rough, they have not spoken since (it’s now been 7 years). She was my best friend first and we are still super close, but I am also extremely close with my sister. Although they’ve both said the past is in the past and have moved on, there is no doubt that my wedding and bachelorette party will be awkward for them both.
Recently I have started regretting not asking my best friend to be a bridesmaid, as she and I are so close, and I want her to be part of my wedding day. I’m worried that she is upset I haven’t asked her, and I’ve been avoiding the subject which has made me feel uncomfortable and untruthful to her. I also want my best friend to help me out on the day and be close with me, and I feel like I can’t expect that of her if I haven’t made her an official bridesmaid, which would likely hurt her feelings.
I spoke to my sister about how she would feel and she said she wants me to do whatever I want to do for my day and try not to factor her in, and she’ll just deal with it because it’s my day. That is easier said than done - I am hyper-empathetic and am easily affected by other people’s feelings or emotions, so if my sister is uncomfortable, then I’m worried it will rub off on me and I’ll feel terrible on my wedding day for putting her in a weird situation.
The situation will already be weird because my best friend will be at the wedding and the bachelorette, but maybe her being a bridesmaid too is a step too far?
TLDR; Should I ask my best friend to be a bridesmaid even though it would make my sister (her ex) and possibly other people uncomfortable, or can I still have my best friend there to support me on my day without the official ‘bridesmaid’ title?