I started a new job three months ago. I’m a seasoned level 7 policy advisor — I’ve worked in multiple ministries, handled high‑pressure files, and I’m not some wide‑eyed junior who needs hand‑holding. I know how to swim. But holy hell, can someone at least point me toward the pool.
I genuinely don’t understand how onboarding has become this mythical creature everyone talks about but no one has actually seen. There used to be a time — not even that long ago — when you’d get a couple months to learn the file, understand the players, get your bearings, and then start producing. Now it’s like: “Welcome aboard, here’s a file you’ve never touched in your life, please produce briefing products for the Secretary by next Tuesday.”
I’m sorry… what?
I was being asked to create products in my second week. Not after getting a 101. Not after being walked through the file. Not after even being given a basic overview. No — I was expected to deliver polished, high‑stakes work on a topic I had zero context for. And the best part? I didn’t even have a keyboard or a proper desk yet. I was literally perched at a temporary workstation like some kind of policy‑writing cryptid.
And then I’m made to feel stupid when I don’t magically know the answer to something. As if being a level seven means I can telepathically absorb institutional knowledge that no one has bothered to share. Be for fucking real.
What kills me is that it’s not even the managers’ fault half the time. They’re so squeezed from the top that they don’t have the bandwidth to onboard anyone properly. Everyone’s drowning, so the solution is apparently to throw new staff into the ocean and hope they sprout gills.
I’m experienced. I’m competent. I can handle pressure. But expecting someone to produce high‑quality, high‑visibility work on a brand‑new file with zero onboarding is not “high performance culture.” It’s dysfunction dressed up as efficiency.
Anyway. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. I just needed to scream into the void for a minute.