I’m sick of friend groups forcing me to like a certain person
Recently, around 4 months ago, a very surface level friend I had in common with my best friend transferred colleges to where we are, and where her best friends were. However, she dropped her old friends for my group of friends, and immediately excepts everyone to be accustomed to her and for us to stop being so close as she feels left out. It’s quite frustrating, because it’s composed of my 3 best friends from elementary, one girl’s bf and another girl who’s very calm and we aren’t as close, but we have potential to be.
She constantly will interrupt others to get to speak, and continues talking for long minutes at a time. When I don’t concentrate on her right away because I let my other friend finish her sentence, she shuts down and go quiet and goes on her phone. There’s more, which is that she constantly speaks about her Snapchat quick add boyfriend to us knowing we hate him and he treats her horribly. We’ve gone on and on about how she should leave him, and she won’t get the the hint. I’m thinking she just wants us to be worried for her, because we’ve used gentle speaking and being honest. Nothing works. She’s not very intelligent emotionally, saying jow she’s not attached and could just leave him. She overshares about her sexual relationship with him, and it’s not the casual friend talk. It’s so TMI and I can handle a lot.
I have a class with her, and naturally was kinda pressured to do a group project with her and another girl. Me and her did the whole project, while my friend wouldn’t check the group chat or even OPEN THE WORD DOCUMENT. She didn’t even care for the due date, saying how « I didn’t think it was for now » when would it be due?? We have a week left of the semester!!
I tried everything, but I also don’t want to lose it when talking to her about it. She should just check the assignment on the portal and be concerned NATURALLY. She also says she doesn’t have time, but goes thrifting all the time with my best friend. This week alone, they went three times. I genuinely am so frustrated, and want to speak to the teacher about it, but it would cause such a riff in my friend group. Since she got close to my closest friends, I would have to distance myself from them. I love them so much, they are my sisters.
I’m in an impossible spot. She also calls my boyfriend her « best friend » because she loves male attention. They spoke a bit by text, and they bond over having a very intense special interest. But according to him, they aren’t so close. We are long distance, and she insists on coming with me to visit him. However, I don’t want that because I want to be with my boyfriend and not focus on her. She purposely involves herself with other men and still seeks out her ex when she’s dating someone. If my friend mentions a guy tried to flirt with her but she has a boyfriend, she will text him and feel entitled to set up a fake date with him and ghost him.
She even still will text her guy friends saying how she just wants friends. However, she doesn’t shut down the guy’s ideas when he seems interested. She constantly asks for approval on her hair, one day she likes it natural because my friend said so, the other day she wants to dye it just because of her boyfriend. She even pierced her nose on her own to please him, and it got infected.
When she gets jealous that me and my bestfriend were talking more on a bus ride when we hadn’t seen each other in a week and had to catch up (the two girls hsve all classes together so it’s not like I’m stealing her or anything) she gets upset and posts tiktoks about it.
I cannot deal with this immaturity. I don’t have the patience to baby her, like she probably was in her old friend group. When I knew her less, she didn’t seem this way. But I’m so tired. She’s very insecure and constantly draining me, and I’m already so burried in school work. I’m also high masking and autistic, so go figure. I already have enough emotional disregulation.
Despite this, she’s not cruel or mean. She seems to like me, but I don’t like her as a friend. I don’t like spending time with her, we don’t mesh. And I know what I wrote is mean. I genuinely just want to get reprimanded so I stop having these thoughts and feel ashamed. Because she was never rude to me, and we just don’t mesh well. I’m lashing out because it’s been building up and I haven’t been able to tell her, because she won’t take it well and my friend group who I never wanted to be a group, because it’s not middle school anymore. We are all friends and we hangout with different people sometimes on the side.
I don’t know what to do. My finals are catching up to me and I can’t escape not thinking of her, she’s everywhere.
How can I stop being an asshole?