u/Asleep_Thought5851

Hi. I’m 21F, NBSB by choice because I don’t want casual relationships and I’m also trying to stay a virgin until marriage. I take people seriously when I genuinely like them, so I avoid sexual things. But if I’m not that emotionally invested, I can be more playful or affectionate.

So here’s the situation. I met this guy at a family friend’s wedding. I already knew of him before, and he’s close to one of my friends. He’s around 30. We clicked instantly, but I honestly wasn’t that attracted to him at first. He was very talkative and overshared a lot, even about his past sexual experiences. At the time I brushed it off, but looking back, it felt a little off.

We live in different cities, and the wedding happened somewhere in between. After the wedding, he messaged me saying he was supposed to drive me home, not knowing I had already left. After that, we kept talking casually through IG story replies and small conversations. Nothing serious.

Later on, my friends and I visited his city and stayed at his house. Before the trip, our friends were already teasing us about dating. He seemed shy because of the age gap, but honestly, that part didn’t bother me since I tend to like older men anyway. He also kept saying I should join the trip and that he’d take care of me, which made me think maybe he was interested.

When we were there, everything felt wholesome and fun. But eventually our friends kept teasing us to sleep beside each other. I agreed because honestly, I’ve been touch deprived for a long time and I just wanted affection (plus ovulation phase). I was drunk too, and I asked him to stay beside me with no real intention beyond cuddling and kissing.

But things became more intimate. We made out and did some stuff, but no intercourse happened because I said no. After that, we just cuddled until morning.

What confused me was after that night, he wasn’t affectionate in public at all while we were exploring around. Maybe he’s just private, I don’t know. After we went home, he still kept messaging me. Recently he mentioned he’s coming to my city before going to Manila, but I’m pretty sure there’s another girl involved too, someone he mentioned before.

I feel like I already know the answer here, but part of me still wants something serious someday, genuine effort, flowers, consistency, being pursued properly. I know I’m attractive and feminine, and sometimes I wonder why I’m settling for mixed signals.

He messaged me again yesterday, but I haven’t replied. Part of me wants to distance myself and stop doing casual intimate things because I actually want something more serious now. And I don’t want to get too attached. I do like him in some ways because he’s hardworking, driven, and successful, but I honestly don’t know what to do or how to respond anymore.

Sorry if I sound tanga, I’m just a little soft hearted.