u/Asleep_Coat1374

The physical urge is manageable. What's harder is the psychological one.

When I'm on SR, my emotions flatten out stable but almost boring. And there's this nagging feeling that I'm depriving myself of something I'm supposed to feel. So I'll peek at something, or fantasize, just to feel that aliveness again. Not even to finish just to feel something, but one thing leads to another and end up finishing.

How do you deal with that? Is there something that genuinely replaces that pleasure hit, or is the goal to stop chasing that feeling altogether?

My gf told me I've changed, that she feels the ick around my thoughts, that I am not the man i used to be and that she made the right choice not to consider future with me yet. And honestly... she's right. After the convo I decided to cut the call because I knew I have some what fallen in her eyes.

I've become someone with harsh, one sided views on women, marriage, and equality. I have filled with hate, extremist thoughts over things, I know it's coming from fear or pain, not logic but I can't see what secure people see. I can't even name what I'm protecting under all the anger.

What's the psychology behind this kind of bitterness? And why does the ego resist even wanting to heal?

Not looking for validation. Looking for honest insight/healing suggestions from people who've been here.

And will this be forgiven, especially by her?

EDIT: you all are helping me alot, thank you for that! I know I'm the one to blame here and i want to work it.