I need to talk about my CTPSD for a moment.
I live in this constant, chronic, fear of living through the bad times again, when a good friend of mine, made a bad choice, a "community" of self destructive loathing bastards. Who just, take, and take. And after that, its a curse. Everyones one of them these days, people I used to watch on youtube, commenters on reddit itself, not even my own friends. Because ones already stumbling down the path, and theres just nothing, nothing I can do about that. And im always paranoid, I don't want to go back, but the world, just hates me it seems. And you know, I can't stop myself from investigating deep into the profiles of strangers online, to ensure, that they aren't one of "them". Im being purposefully vague because I'll get hung and burned for even mentioning who "they" are, because they exist to torture me, they spread like a plague, and even now, its, even starting to consume me. Its really suffocating you know, drowning in all of this guilt, always my fault isn't it.