Hello!
I’ve been agnostic atheist — defaulting to just saying I’m atheist — for about ten years now. I am in my very early 20s and am in the stage of wanting to belong somewhere, even if it’s not with people. I have an asocial personality, meaning that I don’t do well in social settings. I can be very awkward or withdrawn.
A year ago I met my now online best friend who is a witch. I was interested in witchcraft and even started divination, but I couldn’t align with their or their partners views. I ended up dropping it as I realized I liked it more for the aesthetic than the activities. I wasn’t interested in spells and I had a very stubborn mind when it came to divination. I do still own a tarot deck.
I recently decided that I may try eclectic paganism, explore and find beliefs and practices that align with my understanding of the world. The reason i choose eclectic paganism is because it allows versatility and customization, creating my own system of beliefs and practices that make me feel complete in some way or another.
I’ve considered calling myself an Eclectic AgnoPagan as I am still not fully theistic and i don’t think I ever will be. I’ve thought about it multiple times and I think I can say for certain that one of my beliefs is that the gods do not physically exist, they cannot physically touch you or appear in-front of you as a real, visible, solid person. I do, however, believe that they exist in another form. I personally see it more plausible as the gods being presenting themselves in nature and personifications of concepts like love and war. I also wont rule out the possibility of them existing within a celestial realm that peers into our own, but I don’t fully believe in it.
I will add that I have also concluded that I am not one to pray to gods or spirits. Even when I was younger growing up in a family owned church I wasn’t able to comprehend prayer. Of course I know the mechanics of it and what is expected to come from it, but it’s like recognizing words in a language I have always struggled to understand. I can be knowledgeable about it, but there is no guarantee that it holds any value to me to the point that I can comprehend it. Despite not being one to pray or worship the gods, I do honor them with altars and offerings. I show them respect for the things they represent.
If anyone has questions or advice for me, I would love to hear them. I will ignore all comments I deem rude, but I really would like advice, questions, or just engagement overall. I feel talking with more people would help me discover more about myself and the path that is right for me.