u/AppropriateThroat862

Warning... kind of long...

I've been at my current job for 7 months now. I am overqualified for my job but took it up because I knew I could do well in it & the pay was decent too. We have a very small team of 4 people. Story of how things all came to be... Let's call my coworker who quit, Amy. And we can call my boss Mary.

Mary(boss) works remotely and I never see her except for zoom. Since starting this job, I was taught and trained by Amy. Amy is more technical and understands the actual role itself. She is the person who set up the whole system. She answers all of Mary's emails and completes all of Mary's assigned tasks. At this point, Amy was my go to person for anything serious or unclear. Mary just existed and I never really needed her. Amy and I worked independently for months on our own tasks and we have worked together to clean up all of Mary's task too. This was just the way it was because Mary was said to be "so busy" all the time. Amy and I worked very well together with no issues for 4 months up until she quit.

Amy wrote a long explanation to HR about why she had left. She was honestly a very good worker. Turns out Mary was grilling Amy so hard because there was a huge project the owner needed completed and Mary wanted Amy to have it done. But, I don't think Mary even realized how much Amy was doing for the department. Or maybe she did? But she just didn't care. Mary takes credit for all of Amy's work and I'm sure she was planning to take credit for this project too. When Amy could not meet the deadlines, Mary made sure to take it out on Amy every single time until she quit. She didn't even complain to me or gossip... just left silently.

Now... here is the dilemma. Ever since Amy left paragraphs and evidence detailing out all the work she had done for Mary... Mary was on high alert... I think she gets away with it due to her tenure and close relationship with the owner and HR.

With Mary on high alert and fully exposed... she started taking away some of my tasks slowly. Little by little, she started excluding me from projects. She also made it a rule that I have to message her for every little thing I am going to do....... stating that because she has more intuition and knowledge, we need to discuss every assignment case by case when I've been doing the job perfectly fine for months. I think Mary wanted to feel more in control or to have proof that I am asking her for help even when I didn't need it. I saw through all of her insecurities and went along with it instead of contesting it. I knew she needed to feel more in control now than ever.

7 months in and she also is now trying to find small errors in my work. I can tell she is trying to find reasons to fire me or build a case by pulling the smallest things to make it seem like I am not doing my job. Her insecurity was high because she knew she didn't do her job for some time. I even have records of me cleaning up her work with Amy. Not interested in further drama...

I can tell she's trying to fire me too. Her attitude towards me says it all. Her offboarding tasks. Her randomly trying to reprimand me for minor things... It made me do my job less honestly. The interest is gone...

I have lost motivation to go to work and deal with Mary. Slowly looking for another job while I am here. Mary has lost 5 employees in under 1 year. She is insufferable. My work has decreased but I don't care because my motivation to work for her has decreased too. She also gave a project to a different dept to figure out. Took them 4 weeks when I could have done it in one even when they knew my expertise was in that field too... Rant done I guess. In a weird limbo at work now...

Anyone else surviving with a Mary the manager?

Also... does the owner not see this pattern? That Mary works remote yet no one wants to work with her or for her? Retention rate for this company is crazy low. New people every few months...

Am I being too strict here, or is this a real sideline etiquette issue?

I was at a youth soccer tournament recently, and during an active game, a group of boys (not part of the match) were repeatedly kicking soccer balls right behind the goalie’s net and along the sideline. It was loud and distracting, especially for the keeper.

At one point, their ball even rolled into play during an active sequence and almost interfered with a goal.

What made it more frustrating was that the adults with them didn’t seem concerned, one parent even walked onto the field and laughed it off.

I completely understand that they’re kids and want to play, but I’ve always thought it was standard for parents and coaches to make sure kids stay clear of the field during someone else’s game. (Especially if your kid is literally kicking the ball at the backside of the keepers net while they are in active game.) At other tournaments I’ve attended, referees usually step in pretty quickly to stop this kind of thing.

I did say something to the parent after it had been going on for a while, and it turned into a disagreement. He started screaming at me for telling him that he needs to get his boys away from the goalies net and their balls off the field. Maybe it's a parenting thing? But I would call my child out any time they are being disruptive to others.

Did I overreact or if this is actually something others would find inappropriate too? If I did overreact by telling him to correct his children, then I would be in the wrong and correct myself. I shouldn't have cared and minded my own business but the level of loudness and how little regard and respect their parents gave to the players working hard was a big no for me. It was extremely disruptive had you seen it.

Is this normal behavior at youth tournaments, or should there be better sideline awareness and mindfulness from parents and coaches?

Just observing as a parent... So my child is in competitive soccer, team 1. They were reorganizing the teams and considering players from his old team to be moved up. There are 2 pretty solid players on that team that all the parents have seen play over the span of years that are amazing... but the coach's assistant's son is getting to move up ??? It makes no sense. We were all shocked. The coach's assistants kid is mid. Not very fast, timid, not a go-getter, watches the ball often, cannot trap the ball with their chest, cannot even do a header if needed, weak kicks, overall... a weak player. It just felt tragic to the 2 other kids who were super solid players that deserved to move up.

I'm noticing lots of these coaches and coaches assistants have their kids automatically in a team via connections... no actual skill. It is quite disappointing seeing how rigged the system is. How many good players are dealt the bad hand because someone else's dad pushed them up or got them their spot??