u/AppropriateAd2334

Every time I said "eh, they're not the greatest leader, but I'm just here to do my job"/"I just love this extracurricular and don't want to quit"/''Maybe we'll learn to get along eventually", they went out of their way to reach my breaking point. And everytime I look back and realize it would have been a better idea to just leave at first sign of discomfort on my part.

I'm not saying instantly leave your job the moment your boss gives an unfairly harsh criticism. But it's the right moment to start looking for other jobs-so you can comfortably have another one before she reaches the "unbearable" stage. Trust me, she will.

I'm an amateur who's only ever worked with this director, so I don't really know how others work. But she's...intense about blocking. If we don't place ourselves on stage the way she wants us to, she makes someone on stage film us to "see how weird we look". I've seen her laugh with actors on the side about actors on stage "it looks like she's shitting". She uses words like "It looks like you were raping the....*whatever object you were using*. Sometimes, instead of telling us we did something wrong, she asks us "why were you sitting there?", forcing you to sit awkwardly and not know what to answer. She loves making impressions of movement/interpretation she didn't like, sometimes with mean comments "she looked just like that, except her boobs weren't moving like that because she doesn't have them". She does like other actresses's boobs, saying things like "Your tits look really good in this costume. You have beautiful tits. Can I throw a piece of pop corn between them?". She also(presuambly in a friendly way) calls another actress she's close to "little whore".

If someone calls her out, she says "I'm trying to joke around to make a lighter, less stressful atmosphere. You don't want to see what a SERIOUS rehearsal looks like for professional actors". Even when she's not offensive, she's just generally bitchy like "please someone show her where she should position herself, she doesn't know 3 weeks before the premiere"(it wasn't a case of me forgetting, it was a case of us changing our venue, and I needed time to adjust). I also got shit for not knowing another character's blocking.

She loves micromanaging-not performances, but "your ribbon came slightly undone", "you looked awkward during applause". I used to say ''eh, just don't take anything personally and just do what you're here for-act". But she makes me so tense that I'll get criticised for something that all my character's emotion is gone. You also can't NOT choose to get feedback. It's "10:30, after show, everyone in the room for feedback". If you don't go, she'll criticize/bully you in absence. Of course, when she feels like there's nothing to correct she praises-which actually kind of makes this feel worse/your fault.

I know it sounds crazy when I type it out, but so many people love her, call her the best possible mentor they could have, an absolute wizard of a director, that I feel crazy for being upset. Also...some people have told me this is what acting IS, that a lot of directors-of amateur and professional productions-are abusive since they know passionate people who want to act NEED a director and will swallow just about anything.

Should I just quit? I'm not very sure there are other amateur opportuinities around. It probably means quitting acting altogether-which she might know, hence her behavior. Or should I just develop a thicker skin?

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1. I hated the way feedback was given. Not only the cast in the room, but other actors not in that particular show who LOVED nodding approvingly every time the director criticised anything.

Also, (and I presume a lot of people won't agree with me cere), given we are an amateur company who only does show once....frankly I hate the concept of having to sit through an hour of criticism to begin with. Say what needs to be said IN REHEARSAL. Knowing I'll get "scolded" for mistskes really made me tense and perfectionistic.

2. About feedback in actual rehearsals. My acting was basically ignored from day 1. The director just didn't say anything positive OR negative about it, and just corrected my blocking. Others got much more detailed feedback and/or got openly praised if nothing was wring. I always had the feelings there's something she doesn't love about my acting, but can't quite put her finger on. Then show night, apparently I sucked-in a way I felt I could have worked on had I known about it earlier. The director says I didn't have that problem earlier.....but is that really true? Was she just not paying attention to me? If it's true, am I right to think that more detailed positive feedback on my rehearsal performance would have helped(that is, "I really like that you do those specific things, please don't change them", rather than "it was ok"?). Is it my fault and if so, how do I even avoid this in future productions? Do I not touch anything after last rehearsal? If I get "for the first time" feedback in last rehearsal, do I just ignore it(given the director won't be able to actually see that I don t overcorect, etc.)?

I'm very dissapointed in myself. I worked really, really hard on this character(but apparently very misguidedly so). Any insight?