Hey guys, I really need advice on how to handle this situation because it’s getting to the point where my mom and I are in the biggest argument we’ve ever had right now.
I 18F (turning 19) was living by myself for the past 8 months in university and I got used to living by myself/my own rules. My friend, who I’ve known for the past 4 years was having a birthday party at her house (not the first time) and it started at 7:30 but most people didn’t arrive till 8. My mom texts me to ask me what time I’m coming home, I told her 11 considering it’s a pretty reasonable time for my age. She calls me and starts yelling at me saying I should come home 9….which is crazy considering Sunday school at my church stays at 9pm and ends around 12am but to her it’s fine because it’s church.
After going back and forth and getting my dad involved I ended up coming home at 10:30 and I was the first one to leave. I come home really annoyed and I lost it when my brother who’s 23 came at 12:30am. I was ranting to him and I ended up crying and my mom woke up asking what’s happening, I tried deescalating the situation and getting her to go back to bed but we ended up getting into a verbal argument and slept that way. Just to mention I understand that my brother is older but we’re both adults and almost legal where I am from so it makes no sense to compare ages anymore. (Plus I’m sure the same rules didn’t apply to him when he was my age)
The next morning it’s not any better, she tries to start a fight with literally everything I do. I literally tried to do my own laundry and she got mad asking why I didn’t ask them if they had any clothes to put in too (cause it was full). 2 hours later I go to switch the laundry and when I come back she’s FULL on yelling at me and cursing me asking why I didn’t ask to go laundry her incase she had a new load (my fault the second time I guess but I didn’t think to ask cause I was only switching my laundry). I even got us food from outside (sushi) and she again started yelling at me asking why I didn’t ask her what she wanted. First most, she was sleeping when I ordered and if I did ask she would’ve said anything. All I was trying to do was surprise her by getting her own plate. I have an international trip coming tomorrow and she threatened me and said I wasn’t gonna go, and took my clothes from the carry on.
The things that came out of her mouth were genuinely so vile and she even tried hitting me (but I’m stronger so I pushed back to defend myself) and she got even madder saying I wasn’t raised right and worser things.
My issue isn’t that I’m trying to argue about yesterday but genuinely as an adult who was living by herself I think I should get a later curfew that’s reasonable for my age. Her thinking that 9 was good is genuinely crazy because my curfew in high school was around 10. She’s saying that her rule is that “we don’t stay at anyone’s house after 10” but genuinely she made it up on the spot, my brother is allowed to stay at his friends house till later. And i just don’t get why I can’t stay late onetime if it’s just a birthday party not even a hangout. And it’s not even the house that’s her issue ANYTIME I’m out “late” weather it’s a birthday party at a restaurant she wants me to come home super early which isn’t fair considering my brother comes home 1am 2am at times.
I know I’m comparing myself to my brother a lot but i genuinely need advice because this is getting out of hand. Why am I having to beg my mom as an adult to have a reasonable curfew for my age? I know she loves me but her need to control me for every little thing needs to slow down.