facilitating inner growth
I started smoking weed a few years back and it really changed my perspective on life. that, growing up, and working on myself has made me a much better person.
i've heard of "ego death" on shrooms and would like some opinions on my situation:
recently i've been struggling with comparison, i feel like im less then others and want to be better, even though thats not who i am, and i really hate that i can't control it.
on the other hand, i often find myself looking down on others, and propping myself up as "better", which i also don't like.
i especially notice these feelings with other women, and it's something i've talked about and tried to work through but can't seem to get past.
i keep these feelings inside and know that i am what i choose to be, my actions define me and not my feelings, and as a person, i am very inviting and loving of the people around me, even though i have those underlying feelings
both the jealousy and the ego have been causing me a lot of grief, since i really dont want to be like this, insecure yet egotistical, even though i keep it to myself.
i've been going through a lot of mental turmoil trying to shut it down, or sit with it, address it, talk about it, move on? and nothing seems to work, i keep ending up in the same place if not worse. It feels like i live to impress and perform, not only for others but for myself as well. i want to make my dreams come true, im very self motivated, yet i want to make sure im better then everyone else too, and if someone who's prettier or smarter or cooler is there it's like a threat, a knife to the heart. yet at the same time i admire them and obsess over them.
i plan to take 1g using lemon tek yo test the waters, and then go on a bigger trip to really learn more about myself and truly understand. i'll have a sober trip sitter as well.
any thoughts? thank you, all replies are very appreciated