u/ApprehensiveStorm581

Tw for talk of verbal and physical abuse. And very long post

My sister abused me pretty much my entire childhood. She was always in and out of mental hospitals growing up for being a danger to herself and others. I never saw her much but when I did she was awful to me, verbally and physically abused me everyday I saw her. For about seven years now she says she’s better and I guess it’s a little more quiet. For me. She and my brother in law who I’m going to call John to make this easier have lived with my mom and I since 2021 and I always hear her yelling and throwing stuff in their room, so I knew she didn’t like fully get better and still had problems but now we’ve moved and the walls are thinner and my room is closer, so I hear everything. She had my nephew in 2025 and ever since he was born everything has gone back to square one. The house is never quiet, never at peace. I hear her screaming at John and hitting/throwing things at him every single day, every single night. There are so far 4 holes in the walls since a year of living here.
She’s said some pretty bad stuff about me and my father in the past two years so I cut her off and don’t talk to her unless I absolutely have to but I was excited to have a lil nephew and tried to be there that which was hard because I was absolutely not there for HER. Anyways she’s fucking insane and gets physically violent with John while the baby is in the room or even in his arms. I have to BEG my mom to say anything, John is an absolute push over and defends her too much. Whenever I’ve tried confronting her she acts like everything is fine and like she’s never hit or yelled at anybody before. And no one is taking this seriously, I cannot believe it. Surely all the screaming and banging I hear is all in my head right? Surely mom and John wouldn’t be so heartless to rather watch the world burn than to argue with my sister right? I’m so fucking angry because no one gives a fuck. Fine, so what if no one cares that she abused me, used to it. Fine, so what if mom doesn’t care that John is getting abused, not her son. Fine, so what if John just takes the hits and endures the horrible things she says. But that’s a fucking new born baby. That’s my nephew. His first birthday is coming up this month, he’s young enough for this to not stick with him. He’s young enough to separate from his mother and still grow up okay. If she could abuse me my entire childhood and deny it, abuse John their entire relationship and deny it, (verbally) abuse mom her entire adulthood and deny it, what makes you think she wouldn’t do the same to her son? She’s going to abuse that baby. How dare they not care. How dare they not do anything. It has to be in my head right?
I know she’s an abuser. She always has been. I know how horrible she is but my own psychosis and shit has been getting a lot worse. And I truly can’t believe my mom and John could be so heartless. Like that’s your son. Grandson. That’s a baby. John has always been such a good guy not just to my sister but to everybody he ever speaks to. He’s always been caring. My mom is harsh but she always speaks up when she feels she has to. I never would’ve thought she’d just let this go. She says now “ugh I just don’t want to start another argument with her” when I tell her she needs to say something or do something about what’s going on. It can’t be real.
I know I should do something but what? I have no proof other than the holes in the walls, which they’ve already made innocent excuses for. I want this baby to have a good life but we all live together so none of us can take care of him alone. My sister is on disability and my mom is technically still her guardian, if she manages to get custody then the baby would still be my sisters anyway. I’m in no financial position to take care of a baby, especially no mental state to. I know I wouldn’t end up treating that baby well and I would end up freaking out. I can’t do it. John could. I don’t know why he still lets this happen. Maybe because it isn’t even happening. I feel crazy. But I know my sister is crazier, I just know it.
What do I do

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u/ApprehensiveStorm581 — 12 days ago

I made a post here about no one wanting to diagnose me so I could get medicated and replies tried to be helpful I think but I don’t think anyone gets that I really can’t talk about it as much as the doctors want. Some cases not allowed to. Saying out loud to a doctor my hallucinations in detail is like figuring out everything about aliens on earth and repeating it to the director of the fbi. Like asking to get punished. (I wanna clarify it’s not about aliens at all, just an example.)

I believe there’s a reason only I can see and hear these things and nobody else. Like it was only meant for me. In the ward I had to basically act like nothing was going on. If I was talking to my psychiatrist or any of the staff and they would ask “Are you seeing/hearing things that aren’t there right now?” Usually the answer would’ve been yes because I don’t trust doctors, they make me nervous and trigger me. I can’t tell them for the reason they aren’t meant to know, what I see/hear isn’t meant to be shared, I could get in trouble. Or if it’s visual sometimes I’m scared to even acknowledge it at all and just tell them I’m not hallucinating because if I say anything it might freak out and start doing scary crazy shit or even the doctor I’m talking to will too.
Fuck I know that it’s all in my head I know none of that is going to happen but like
What if?
I can’t get over the what if, it might all be real but only meant for me. They might hurt me if I say anything. And I don’t even want to get over it because I think it’s what’s protecting me.
I do however want to get over some of this when it comes to the people I’m close with, the people I actually trust. A lot of people in my life don’t even know that I’ve been admitted or why. I want to trust them enough to tell them. I’m not scared because I think they’ll hurt me or anything, they just might see me differently, like I’m a freak. Because even the people that were supposed to be there to help me treated me that way.

I’m battling two of me. You want to get medicated, just be open and honest. For all you know it’s all real, don’t say a word.

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u/ApprehensiveStorm581 — 14 days ago

I want to make things quiet but no one believes me when I tell them I’m hallucinating and shit. It’s kinda my fault though because I won’t tell a lot about what I experience. I can’t tell them because I believe I could get hurt from sharing what I know, especially to doctors. I’m aware the consequences could just be in my head but I’m not taking the chance. Besides I don’t think they deserve to know what I know. I just want to get medicated.

reddit.com
u/ApprehensiveStorm581 — 14 days ago