Hey there. In my 30s, and had "relationships" or rather, friends with benefits, but never the chosen one. Had a random college dude flirt with me out of nowhere by instantly asking me to join his dorm, but when i said no, moved on to another girl. Basically, just felt like I only get thirsty folks.
It's really killing me internally here. In my "relationships" I went out of my way to make a person feel loved. Not sexually, but rather as a person. Of course i get ditched or forgotten. I'm the type to gather people around to plan a secret birthday party. Meanwhile never had anyone remember my birthday unless reminded by facebook on some weird 4 or so hours late notice. No one gathers people around for me....
It's not just about a "crush" or "friends keep you company" or "don't worry, you had relationships before". No. I want to feel like the ONE.
I want to be chosen. Obsessed over. Someone bothered that i was down and tries to make me smile. Someone to shower me with love. It's probably why I randomly developed an interest in those japanese "yandere" animes. Besides the whole killing part over extreme jealousy (because we're not all trying to end up in jail here in real life), I do admit I wish I had that type of attention. Heck, I even appreciate the saying "I'll fight/kill them if they touch you" but without the physical commitment of it. Just saying something like that would make me feel wanted.
I know, i know. That would be a toxic relationship, possibly controlling. But I would like someone being that obsessed with me. Sadly, in real life, no one would even bat an eye at me unless I'm the only person in the room and they do so out of boredom :(