I’m coming out of what was hands down the worst year of my life. (A high bar) I just turned 23, graduated college last year, and after a few months of doing my best to hold it together, my mind and body completely gave out on me. It was like a switch flipped and I wasn’t allowed to do anything whatsoever until they both decided they could manage anything again. All of this after moving to a huge city for work that my health refused to let me do or look for. I love my work, but I’m still unemployed a year later because I couldn’t manage do do anything other than barely keep myself alive. (Getting myself to eat was a struggle, let alone stand for more than 5 minutes) I’ve struggled with mental health for genuinely my entire conscious life, but this was a new level of complete control over me.
As I said, I’m coming out of it now, and I’m getting to things that I wanted to do when I first moved; just taking it one step at a time and trying to treat it almost like a gap year. But with the year indoors and miserable, I’m now a bit low-level agoraphobic. I’ve never been very good at social interaction, and I’m definitely not someone who likes to go out much in the first place; but now it feels like I’ve caged myself into a routine of misery I don’t know how to break. I’ve got AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) so breaking a routine is DAMN HARD but I also crave stimulation. I’ve got 3 friends in the city, only one I really know, and the other two I’ve barely really spoken to, I’m still getting to know them.
Every time I try to convince myself to go out, do something new, take a class, I’m seized with this intense panicky feeling like I need to cry at the idea of meeting people and going out but my god I need new connections. I need people. I’m an incredibly self-sustaining introvert with very little experience with real connections, and I’ve still never craved them like this. I kinda want to try one of those friendship apps, but I don’t get the impression they work very well.
I just started a D&D campaign with the 3 people I mentioned earlier, and after the session 0 (which went well, I had fun!) I felt that shaky, desperate, panicked need to cry again. I felt kind of awful, and I don’t know why. D&D is one of my primary special interests and it’s been years and years since I got to play! I want to love the things I love again. I don’t want to be afraid of people, or leaving my apartment, or even looking for employment I desperately need. I want to live. I’ve wanted to live for so, so long, and instead I’ve boxed myself into this routine of laying on my couch and reading the entire day away. I’m so desperately afraid of watching anymore of my life run away from me, but all my old techniques for dealing with my issues haven’t been working and I am so exhausted from fighting my way back to a good headspace after this past year that I don’t feel like I have the energy to be brave. I know I just have to be brave anyway, and it’s okay to cry while I’m brave but goddamn. I’m so tired of being exhausted. I’m so tired of holding myself back and being afraid of joy.
u/Apprehensive-Lie4808
Hello everyone! I'm starting a new campaign soon after not having been able to play in years so I'm very excited, but the thing is that I only have 3 players and none of them wanted to play a healer. I debated adding an NPC to the party, but given how long it's been since I ran encounters and even longer since I've been able to play a character let alone a healer, this made me nervous. I think the best way to go about this is to give my players a healing magic item and easy access to potions- at least temporarily. Any advice on how to go about this/what to give them would be majorly appreciated. They're starting off the campaign in a major metropolis (still a high fantasy setting) with connections to a major crime family they could potentially loot and I also need them to steal from a museum semi-soon so I have plenty of ideas on where they could find something rare or exceedingly useful like that at least. For context, they're starting at lvl 3 and I've got a monk, a newbie rogue, and a druid (who I think at least has one healing spell). Thank you for any advice!