u/Apprehensive-Big2365

I (26F) had a perianal abscess in Jan 2025, got surgery & was back to normal just 1 month later. Then in June 2025 the abscess reoccurred, got surgery, surgery failed & went into surgery once more. Once again the wound did not heal and I had to get surgery for the 4th time by the end of the year. After the 4th surgery also failed I finally got an MRI Scan. Turns out I have a fistula going through my sphincter. Went into surgery for seton placement in February 2026 & got it removed last Thursday & the surgeon performed advancement flap procedure. Since this isn’t my first rodeo I am experienced in dealing with an open wound and so on. The procedures before were painful but certainly nothing compared to what I am going through rn. As long as I don’t have BM I am fine but BM are the fucking worst for me rn. It’s so fucking painful and the pain lasts for idk 30min to 1 hour after until it’s finally back to a bearable level. I feel like I just can’t take it anymore. Watching this open wound heal for the sixth time gives me body horror that was beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined + this fucking pain once or twice a day w every BM is just unbearable. I’m trying to stay positive and to remind myself that this will all be over soon but it just feels like I cant take it anymore. Any tips on how to deal w this mental fuckery are greatly appreciated