Fed up with my living arrangement; need advice.
'Rah gents. Listen, I'm at my wits end over here. I'm a mastiff stuck between the two biggest dickheads: This weirdo who ripped me away from my mom and siblings when I was little, and now holds me hostage in this duplex with shit everywhere; and his Karen of a neighbor who never shuts the fuck up about it. Like, I'm just a dog; the fuck you want me to do? Stop jawing to me about fire pit code and contact the township or something.
I get where he's coming from; my owner practices for his job like 24/7. Yeah, it's weird. If he worked at Starbucks, would be making lattes all day? No. But shit, dude, get off my dick about it. I wish I didn't have to play in a yard covered in my own turds, but it's not like I can pick it up myself. I don't even have opposable thumbs. I tried eating it a couple times, but this dickhead gives me all the veggie omelet MREs and saves the Chili Macs for himself. No one wants to eat those once, let alone a second time.
What can I do here? Does animal control have a chain of command I can talk to?