I [20F] have a problem with my relationship with my ex bf [20M]
.We have been in an on and off relationship for the past 4 and a half years. Just the thought of him gives me anxiety, stress, and insomnia at this point. But no matter how much I suffer because of him, I keep reaching out to him over and over again like I genuinely have no control over it.
This hasn’t been going on for just a few months either. It’s been 3 and a half years. I feel completely weak because of this situation, yet I still continue contacting him even though it feels like I’m slowly torturing myself mentally.
I’ve tried everything I could think of to stop. Therapy, distancing myself, distracting myself, deleting chats, convincing myself logically — nothing lasts. Eventually I end up crying, shaking, feeling hopeless, and wishing none of this was real.
The confusing part is that he’s neglectful towards me 90% of the time, but that somehow makes me want to get closer to him even more. Then when he finally softens towards me or gives me attention, suddenly I’m able to pull away for a few days before the cycle repeats again.
I know this probably sounds unhealthy or weird, but I genuinely feel stuck and emotionally trapped in this pattern. Has anyone experienced something similar or managed to overcome this kind of attachment? What actually helped?