I’m in my final year of my degree and I honestly feel like I messed everything up.
I didn’t make any real friends. I go to classes, come back home, and that’s basically been my entire university experience. Now I’m about to graduate and I feel so lonely and lost. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do next.
I’m studying abroad, away from my family, and it’s been really hard. There are days I just want to go back home and not deal with any of this anymore. I struggle a lot with anxiety and social anxiety, and I feel like I’m not capable of doing life on my own.
The weird thing is, my parents raised me to be independent. I can handle things on my own, I don’t usually need help, and I can figure stuff out. But somehow that also made me really isolated. I don’t know how to approach people, start conversations, or build friendships.
I do have two best friends, but they’re long distance. I always imagined I’d have a small friend group in uni, like 3–4 people to hang out with, go to class together, do normal things… maybe even date someone. But none of that happened.
I grew up pretty sheltered. No siblings, didn’t go out much, mostly just stayed at home. My mom was always busy and not really someone I could talk to, and my dad was always working. I think that affected me more than I realized.
Now I feel like my life so far has no meaning. I don’t have any passion, no clear goals, no plan for the future. It just feels… blank.
Part of me wants to try again — maybe do a short course in another country and kind of restart, even if it’s just for a month. But another part of me feels like nothing will change and I’ll end up the same way again.
I’m only 20, so I know technically I still have time. But it doesn’t feel like it right now.
If I don’t figure something out, my parents will probably push me toward an arranged marriage, and that scares me too.
I don’t know… should I try again somewhere new, or am I just running in circles?