Made the cut but 1/2 way through my Fellowship realize THIS ICU is NOT where I want to be, AT ALL! It’s a real struggle, daily; do I finish or withdrawal the program now?!
When I submitted my fellowship application, I thought the MSICU was medical surgical ICU. I absolutely had no understanding that it was multi specialty. My background is 20 years in surgical postop, telemetry cardiac patients with a heavy, heavy emphasis on surgical and postoperative patients of all surgical backgrounds, cardiac has been a basis and foundation for the surgical patients, but by no means has been the heavy aspect of my training. I get day one on the unit and find out the MS stands for multi specialty with a heavy emphasis on multi specialty organ transplant, and specifically cardiac patients being preop, Unos patients and postop day one going forward transplant, Heavy, emphasis on cardiac and lung dual transplant patients actually zero surgical patient interaction. This is not what I was looking for, but I gave my word and I’ve finished the 50% mark of the Fellowship it’s been an absolute struggle. Don’t get me wrong, but I’m having serious problems. Things get harder and more specified. This is a very high acuity. ICU at a very, very large university facility, surrounded by trauma, one facilities in a very large city. I know that even once I finish this fellowship, this is not where I’m going to be, but I’m struggling even now worried that I might not finish the fellowship my heart‘s not in it, but I gave my word. I’m struggling with if I’ve finished this or try to finish this or do I just face the honest realization and gracefully bow out now.