My Mother is a Universe
My mother was a universe—
She was the stars, the sky.
Her heart for me was as big as the Milky Way,
And as small as the atoms, the molecules, The protons, and the electrons;
Each a universe in itself.
She was the vastness and the smallness: The scent of fresh laundry,
A warm baby blanket gently caressing my cheek,
A nap on her chest by Nanny’s pool.
Her heartbeat lulling me to sleep—
My total safe space.
She was meaningful conversations on long car rides.
“Don’t surround yourself with yourself,”
The classic rock song advised.
“Life is about relationships,” she would say,
“It’s all about family. I love being with my family.”
Through thousands of lunches and shopping trips,
Together, we were giddiness personified.
She was the constant, her devotion unmatched:
No sporting games, no school band concerts
Ever missed.
The sparkle in her eye for Dan and Jo,
Her laughter that lit up my heart.
Her pride in me was my sun.
“I love you a million,
billion
To infinity,”
Became my mantra as the cancer grew.
A love like the sky, countless as the stars, Making my heart expand like the cosmos.
“I have to complete the chemo for Micah and Sammy,” she vowed.
Her love, as wide as the ocean.
“If I don’t make it, tell my family I love them with every fiber of my being.”
Fibers as small as atoms,
Fibers as small as molecules,
Love as big as the Milky Way.
My tears streamed through those lonely days in late June,
And her quiet absence marks my life.
Then I realized—my mother is a universe.
My universe.
I hear her voice all the time,
Calling to me, advising me, cheering me on.
A Wheatley cheerleader both in life and in death.
The memories are a constant;
“May her memory be a blessing,” is a truth.
She is within me every day—in my voice, my mannerisms.
I hear her speaking through me.
Because my mother is my blessing,
my gratitude,
My everything.
My universe.