Hi everyone,
I have my fifth assessment session for autism tomorrow and I'm feeling a lot of anxiety.
So far the psychologist has been telling me that I'm neurotypical because I'm "too sensitive" and "too empathetic" to be autistic, she also said I'm very articulate, which apparently makes her doubt the possibility. During the last session she pushed me quite hard and I ended up having a meltdown right there. When I showed her my dinosaur mask (which I carry with me for comfort cause having it in my purse makes me feel safe, helps me to anchor to the "here and now" and its texture is also helping when i get stressed.), she reacted with "What the fuck is this thing?" and told me to leave it at home. She also called my stress balls "regressive".
Despite this, she's willing to continue with the tests (through the public health system). We still haven't finished the RAADS (I scored 173/240 on my own) or any other questionnaires, and she hasn't really asked me much about my life yet — mostly just general history.
To prepare for tomorrow I've written 16 pages of very detailed personal observations about my life: routines, sensory issues, social difficulties, masking, special interests, shutdowns, stimming, coordination problems, and so on. I also have high scores on AQ (37/50), CAT-Q (136 – high masking), Aspie Quiz, etc.
I'm really scared that she'll dismiss everything again, or that I'll be seen as manipulative or exaggerating. Part of me is terrified that I'm faking it all, even though my ex (who lived with me for 7 years) read the document and said it's accurate and impartial.
Has anyone had a similar experience with a professional who seemed very knowledgeable but kept minimising the high-masking / female presentation? Did writing detailed examples help? My friends advised me to look for a second opinion once i'm done with her, yet I feel like I'd be wasting another doctor's time. Part of my has a hard time accepting that someone that should be a professional in their field can be wrong which leads me to ruminate about the possibility that I'm just wrong and she's right.
Any advice or similar stories would mean a lot right now. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.
Thank you