After seeing u/SeaField7966's take on DGW and Candy Store teen versions, I was inspired to try my own hand on Candy Store just because lyrics like "if you lack the juice" and "doorknob" just didn't feel right. I hope this version can work to preserve the original musicality without sounding too boring.
Lyric changes in italics.
Are we gonna have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You've come so far, why now are you messing with my clique?
I'd normally slap your face off
And everyone here could watch
But I'm feeling nice, here's some advice
Listen up, biatch!
(I like) looking hot, buying stuff they cannot
(I like) raving hard, maxing dad's credit card
(I like) skipping gym, scaring her, smooching him
(I like) killer clothes, kicking nerds in the nose!
If you lack the gall, you can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you a snack (whoa-oh!)
Or come hang with me, and tonight we'll be
In my Porsche with the quarterback
(Whoa-whoa-whoa!)
Honey, what you waitin' for?
Welcome to my candy store
Time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore
And step into my candy store
(Guys fall) at your feet, pay the check, help you cheat
(All you) have to do, say goodbye to Shamu
(That freak's) not your friend, I can tell in the end
(If she) had your shot, she would leave you to rot
'Course if you don't care, fine, go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on (whoa-oh!)
Or forget that creep and get in my Jeep
Let's go tear up someone's lawn
(Whoa-whoa-whoa)
Honey, what you waitin' for?
Welcome to my candy store
You just gotta prove you're not a wussy anymore
And step into my candy store
You can join the team (or you can wish and moan)
You can live the dream (or you can die alone)
You can fly with eagles, or if you prefer
Keep on testing me and end up like her
Veronica, look
Ram invited me to his homecoming party
This proves he's been thinking about me!
(Color me stoked)
I'm so happy!
(Whoa) ooh-whoa
Honey, what you waitin' for? (Shut up, Heather!)
Step into my candy store
Time for you to prove you're not a lame-o anymore
And step into my candy store
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy
It's my candy store
It's my candy store