I'm 4 months into my first job as a litigation associate at a very small firm (the only other attorneys are my 2 bosses) and I think I hate it. I don't think I've been happy to wake up and go to work a single day these entire 4 months. My anxiety is through the roof (I even started taking anti-anxiety medication). The idea of having to take a case to actual trial and do voir dire, opening statements, etc. fills me with overwhelming dread. I feel like I've been making mistakes left and right and it doesn't seem like there's any way to learn other than the hard way. The 2 partners have no time or no interest in walking me through anything, seemingly assuming I either know how to do something or should figure it out because that's what they did when they decided to start out on their own. I've had complete breakdowns after work twice in the last two weeks at the idea that this will be the rest of my life. Even when my cases go well, I don't really get any joy out of succeeding - I'm just glad that it's over. My billable hour requirement is actually substantially lower than industry average, but I'm somehow still struggling enough to barely cover a day off every two months (no PTO, just flexible work hours).
I don't necessarily need the money. I still live at home with my parents who don't charge me rent. My mom even owns a small business and would be happy to have me work there as a manager with the idea that eventually I could take over and she could retire. I'm not opposed to the idea in general, and I don't think I would hate that the way I hate my job right now. I just can't shake the feeling that if I leave the legal field like this, I will have been such a definitive failure at the job and it would be such a waste of the 6 years of education I put into this. I also feel like I would become the spoiled entitled brats that I hated back in HS and undergrad just falling back on my parent's success. But I also can't ignore the fact that working for the family business would probably set me up for the best work-life balance I could ever get anywhere, would pay more than I make right now at the firm, and there's even the push factor that someone needs to take over the family business eventually or it'll have to be sold since my mom will definitely want to retire at some point.
I'm incredibly conflicted, so any advice/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.