I’m dealing with a situation at work and could really use some honest outside opinions.
A few weeks ago, I started talking to a coworker. It began casually—jokes, small talk, sending reels, etc. She has a great sense of humor and is very easy to talk to. Over time, I think I started liking her more than I intended.
At one point, it felt like she might also be giving me attention (engaging conversations, sending pictures, etc.), but I didn’t really escalate or flirt much. I kept things respectful since it’s a workplace.
Then things shifted. She started responding less—mostly reacting instead of actually replying. I overthought it and pulled back completely. I even ignored her at work for a few days. Later I realized I overreacted, apologized, and she handled it very maturely. We cleared things and things went back to normal.
But recently I noticed she’s very close with another coworker—talking a lot, physical closeness, etc. I also happened to come across them being intimate at work (not intentionally looking for it, just something I saw accidentally). That affected me more than I expected.
On top of that, my manager pulled me aside and warned me to be careful about talking too much at work. He also mentioned that things are being noticed regarding her and that other coworker. That added another layer of confusion and made me uncomfortable.
I briefly tried to express concern to her about being careful at work, but I realized that might not be my place, so I stopped.
Now I feel a mix of:
- feeling like I might have missed an opportunity because I didn’t act earlier
- feeling a bit hurt/jealous even though we were never anything
- trying to stay professional and not get involved
- not wanting to get dragged into workplace issues
My questions:
Did I actually miss a chance, or am I overestimating what was there?
Is it normal to feel this way even though nothing was official?
How should I behave from here on at work?
Should I detach completely, or just keep things normal and casual?
I want to handle this in a mature way, without losing my self-respect or creating unnecessary drama.
Would appreciate honest advice.