Round two of DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy)
My therapist said I can be emotionally avoidant in certain situations, especially when communicating my feelings with friends and people I date. Because of that, I enrolled in DBT again, this time to focus more on emotions and emotional communication.
I originally completed a three month DBT program about eight months ago to help me establish boundaries with people, especially at work. At the time, I did not pay much attention to the sections about emotions.
After dating someone who eventually ended things after two months, I started reflecting more on my relationships, how I communicate my feelings, and even how some of my friends spoke to me in ways that made me shut down and not stand up for myself. I do not know if he was “the one that got away,” but the relationship definitely opened my eyes to emotions, vulnerability, and the way I connect with people.
Now, I can blame how I was raised as a child, but as a 32 year old man, it is my responsibility to not let my childhood environment continue affecting me personally or impact my relationships with other people. I also want to point out that I have never had a boyfriend before, so dating is still very new to me. The intense emotions I experienced were honestly scary, but looking back now, I know there were situations where I could have handled things better.
I did not run away, ghost, or stop communicating. Instead, I suppressed my feelings and emotions, hoping they would eventually go away. The same thing happened with some of my friendships. We joke around a lot, but sometimes the jokes would go too far and turn into insults, and I would stay silent because I was scared to speak up out of fear of losing them.
Now, I am slowly learning to stand up for myself by telling people when I do not like how they talk to me, repeat personal things out loud, or share stories that were not meant to be repeated publicly. Usually, when my emotions become intense, I react quickly instead of taking a step back to reflect or give myself time to process things before responding. I tend to want an answer or result right away, but I have realized that reacting too quickly can hurt not only myself, but also the people I care about.
It is a challenge, but I am looking forward to another round of DBT and seeing how much I can improve.