Hi,
This is a bit of a negative post and I guess I’m looking for positive experiences of going back to a mentally demanding new job after having a baby.
Our baby is almost 12 weeks old and I cannot imagine ever being able to do a task that requires brain power again. Before getting pregnant I had just got my master’s degree and was in training to become a clinical psychologist. In my country the training also includes work experience which I don’t have because I couldn’t find a training spot while pregnant. I will have to find one when I want to go back to work. Training jobs are very hard to find and I will be up against younger, better sleeping people who can do flexible hours etc. Even if I found something there is a lot to learn and it includes diagnostic/statistical work and right now my brain feels like it cannot do any of those things anymore.
Also my initial plan was looking for a job after 6 months of being at home but now I can’t imagine leaving the baby so soon. I’ve never left her until now except for a few hours with my mom or husband while I slept in the next room. She is also exclusively breastfed which I also told myself I would only be doing for 6 months but now I have this weird anticipatory guilt over stopping.
Btw I don’t have postpartum depression, I am enjoying my life quite a bit (as much as you can with this level of sleep deprivation) but can’t help but think I have robbed myself of a future with a fulfilling career.
Was anyone in the same boat and then able to get back to work? Do these feelings get better?